Learning to Love Again
by SandXDemonX13
Summary: Three years ago, Naruto left the man he loved and got together with Neji shortly afterwards. When the man he left suddenly comes back, Neji won't stand for someone taking Naruto away. Who will win Naruto's love in the end? Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone, wow... Another new story. Kinda weird. But anyways, I really hope that everyone who reads this likes it, and reviews. And for long time readers of my stories, I just want you to know that I am going to be updating _Brother, I like that you love me..._ in about a week or so, depending on when I get back home. If you want anymore details on other stories go check my profile. Thanks. :)

Full Summary: Three years ago, Naruto left the man that he loved and got together with Neji shortly afterwards, trying to ease the pain of his loss. He always kept hope that the man he left would come back for him, but finally after so long, he's finally given up on the man. When he decides that he wants to learn to love Neji, he quickly falls for the man who he should have realized was right for him the entire time, but... When the man he left three years ago suddenly comes back, wanting him back, Neji simply won't stand for someone trying to take Naruto away. Who will win Naruto's love in the end? AU

Rating: T

Pairings: Neji/Naruto, but this is a love triangle... So expect our third party to show up eventually. ;)

Warnings: Shonen-ai, since there aren't going to be any graphic scenes or anything (and that just lost me some readers), maybe some language later on... Other than that I can't think of anything, but if you don't like boys kissing then go away.

Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I really, truthfully, DON'T own Naruto!! Shocking I know, but that's why I write fanfiction.

**_NOTE!!: I know that this chapter is short so just please...live with it, I'm sure that things will get longer in the future, most likely, if people like this story and review. But anyways, I know that this story is under Neji/Naruto in the character search but that does not necessarily mean that they will be together in the end, it just means that they are together for the majority of this story. I'm not totally sure who will be together in the end, but I have a good idea of it._**

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**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter one**

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There might have been some cause for concern about the fact that he was running away; running through the night, as night as it could be when the village he lived in had lights on to light up the streets. Except he wasn't really running anywhere; he didn't have anywhere to go. When he slipped from his and his boyfriend's house just minutes earlier he hadn't even thought this far into the plan. Uzumaki Naruto simply didn't have any other place to go; at least he didn't have a place where someone would allow him to stay for a long period of time.

Naruto didn't know why he was running away; he had done it a few times though since the beginning of the New Year, which had been not even a month ago. Naruto didn't know why he was running away from the only place he could even remotely call a home. His boyfriend was wonderful, always attentive and putting up with his antics and with him running away many times during the year. Yet, at the same time Naruto did know why. "Naruto," a voice in front of him spoke softly and he knew that he'd been caught…again.

He stopped running and looked at the male in front of him. The brunette was standing in the middle of the street, shirtless with his night pants on, and Naruto knew that his boyfriend had gotten changed and went into their room to find that he was not there. He walked forward with a sigh and took his boyfriend's hand and they began to walk home together. "I'm sorry, Neji," he said softly just like he did every other time that this happened.

"I've learned by now that you're not, Naruto. If you were you would have stopped running away a long time ago." They walked on in silence and Naruto knew that what Neji said was true. He wasn't sorry about running away; he truly wanted to get away, not necessarily away from Neji because he was a wonderful guy. But he wanted to get away from this village…he wanted to get back to…

"I don't want you to stay with me if you just feel that you need to. I don't want to just be someone who you keep running away from, Naruto." He knew that and that was something that he did feel bad about. He knew that Neji loved him; loved him from the bottom of his heart. And he liked the lavender-eyed Hyuga, but he couldn't go as far to say that it was love. There was only one person that his heart truly belonged to…and he had left that man long ago…

"I'm sorry," it was the only thing that he could bring himself to say. He didn't plan on leaving Neji anytime soon; he couldn't break his boyfriend's heart like he had forced himself to break his own heart. "We've been together for three years, Naruto. Can you at least…stop running away…please?" Naruto knew that he could try and he might be able to succeed, he had succeeded in other things before this, three years ago. He just nodded and hugged Neji's arm as they got to their house and walked inside.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the brightness and when they had he saw that Neji was headed upstairs to their bedroom. Naruto quickly followed. Moments later he was taking his shirt and pants off, leaving him in just his boxers, throwing the clothes on the floor to pick up later. Neji had been leaning against the bed watching him the whole time, like he usually did, because for some reason Neji wouldn't get into bed unless he was already in it. Naruto had found it odd during the first few months they lived together but now it was just something that was normal.

He got into bed and let out a little yawn while Neji got into bed beside him. His brunette boyfriend leaned over and kissed him goodnight before flipping the light off. Neither of them lay down though and Naruto knew that Neji was looking at him. "I love you, Naruto." Naruto bit the inside of his cheek. Back two years ago Neji had stopped saying I love you to him because the brunette knew that he wouldn't hear the words back from him.

It hurt him that he hurt his boyfriend like this but he didn't want to lie and say that he loved him too when he didn't feel that he loved Neji. He didn't feel like he had before…before Neji…before he had came back to the village… Naruto wished that Neji hadn't said that he loved him just now…it would mean that he would have to hurt his lover like he hurt him all the time… He just looked down and he couldn't tell the blackness of the blankets apart from the blackness of the room.

"I know," he said softly. He knew that Neji closed his eyes in sadness; it was what he had always done when he had said that to him, but there was nothing that Naruto could do. He couldn't make himself love Neji. Love was something that you felt over time… _Or at first sight…_ Neji didn't say anything else he just laid down and he followed suit a few moments later, feeling Neji's arm wrap around him, pulling him close.

That was something that Naruto liked about Neji. No matter how much he hurt him by running away or not loving him Neji wouldn't be mad at him. He would still be affectionate; he would still try so hard to win his love. He smiled softly and fell into a light sleep minutes later.

**TBC…**

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A/N: And that was the first chapter...poor Neji, I feel bad for him, even though I wrote it. Ah, well. Please, please review. I've already got the next few chapters finished and if I get enough reviews then I'll post chapter two. I want to hear what you all think about this, so please tell me. Thank you.

And, if you're curious, this is set three years after the timeskip which would set Naruto at about 19 and Neji at 20.

Sorry if there are any errors, if you spot any please tell me and I'll fix them.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	2. Chapter 2

Hello all! Well it's been about a week or so since I first posted this story here, so I figure that it's time that I update. _Brother, I like that you love me..._ and _~Bleeding for you~_ are both going to be updated soon so if you read those stories keep an eye out.

Rating: T

Pairings: Neji/Naruto, but around the seventh chapter or so I think we will have another couple coming in.

**Warnings (people need to actually read this on my stories): Shonen-ai, most possibly some language later on. But if you don't like boys kissing then go away. Now.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!! Although I do own Matsumoto Nanami!!

Now, I just wanted to say somethings before this chapter started. To _**Jesus Power**_, thank you very much for catching that one mess up, I can't believe that I actually didn't find it myself. I was laughing the whole time when I read your review because I felt kinda stupid, but I believe I found the other one that you were talking about, but I'm not sure. I really couldn't find anything else that was wrong. But thank you once again!! I hope you help out on this chapter too once you read it so I don't feel totally stupid. ;)

And to _**vamp kid**_, who I'm guessing won't be reading this chapter, but if you noticed on chapter one I did say that this was AU and it is under Neji/Naruto in the character search and just about all I write is shonen-ai. It's fanfiction, I believe I'm allowed to have Naruto be gay if I want him to be. Whether you think this is horrible or whatever doesn't matter to me, I just thought that I would tell you, although I'm sure if you read this you won't think twice about this, but you should read my warnings. Obviously people tend to just overlook them. Thank you for your review anyway though.

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Learning to Love Again

**Chapter two**

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"Naruto, you need to get up or you'll be late," he heard Neji say softly with a hand on his shoulder. He opened one eye and looked around sleepily, his other eye opened and Naruto saw Neji leaning over him slightly. "What're you talking about?" He wasn't that good in the mornings; he tended to forget things. Neji smiled slightly and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

"Your session," he said with his lips against Naruto's cheek. Now Naruto remembered. Was it Friday already...? He sat up slowly yawning as Neji moved away from him. He reached out and grabbed the brunette's hand, squeezing it lightly. "Thanks for waking me up." Neji nodded and Naruto let go of his hand as they both got out of bed.

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He walked to the door and knocked softly, he knew that he was her only patient on Fridays so he didn't even really need to knock. "Come on in, Naruto," came a soft, pleasant voice from inside the room. He opened the door and saw her sitting in her usual chair, smiling at him as he shut the door behind him. "Hi Nanami," he said softly while going to sit down on the couch that she was across from.

Matsumoto Nanami was a lovely young woman of the age twenty-four. She had shoulder length dark blue hair that she put up in a ponytail today, and grey eyes that were currently behind her reading glasses. She was Naruto's psychiatrist and had been for the past year and a half. They had a very close relationship, and he thought of her as a friend. Nanami was the person that knew Naruto best in this village and she knew that Naruto would tell her anything.

"What has happened since our last session?" Naruto placed his elbow on the arm rest of the couch and rested his chin in his hand. "I tried running away twice," he said softly and watched as she wrote it down on her notepad without looking down at it. Naruto liked that she never looked away from him and focused on other things when he was here; it made him feel like someone actually cared. "And since you're here today I'm guessing that Neji caught you both times before you could get very far."

Naruto nodded, it was always like that. The only time that he had almost gotten away was the first time he had ran, but Neji had caught him then too, just not inside the village like nowadays. "What drove you to run this time, Naruto?" He closed his eyes and crossed his legs like Nanami had hers crossed. They never talked about why he ran, she had never found out what made him run in the first place. It was the one thing that he refused to tell her; tell anyone.

"Same as always," he said opening his eyes to look into her grey ones across from him. Nanami placed her notepad in her lap and placed her hands on it. "You've refused to talk about whatever this thing is ever since you started seeing me, Naruto. Don't you think it's time you take the first step and talk about it? I can tell that it bothers you." Naruto knew that she was right; she always was. It had been bothering him for the past three years...

"I really...don't want to talk about it, Nanami..." She blinked, expecting that answer, and nodded before smiling at him softly. "That's alright then. Whenever you want to talk about it though; don't hesitate." He nodded slowly. "Has anything else happened?" He bit his lip and looked away from her for a moment.

"Neji told me that he loved me again." She raised an eyebrow as her interested spiked a little. "What did you do?" He sighed before uncrossing his legs just to cross them the opposite way. "I told him that I knew that he did." She nodded and brought a hand up to her chin to tap it twice.

"Is there a reason that you can't tell him that you love him too, are you afraid to? Or do you simply not feel the same for him?" They had gone over this a few times in their sessions and he knew that Nanami was seeing if he still gave the same answer as all the times before. "...I don't love him. I like him but I can't go as far to say that its love." She made a humming sound and touched her cheek before replacing her hand to her lap.

"You and Neji have been together for three years, correct?" He nodded. "If after all this time you still can't say that you love him because you don't feel that you love him, why are you still with him?" He looked away towards the window and saw that it was raining lightly outside. "He's a wonderful guy... I don't want to leave him even if I don't love him... Maybe one day I'll learn to love him." They had been over this as well and that was the same response that he gave every time.

"Naruto, perhaps you will fall in love with him one day, or perhaps someone else, but right now it is blatantly clear that you hold feelings for someone else. I think that Neji knows this, and is trying his hardest to make you happy, but you just don't seem to want to be happy with him. It's why you're running away." His eyes flicked back over to her after she had spoken and he stared into the grey pools. Nanami had never said this before...and it did make sense to him.

He swallowed but said nothing. "So why are you running away? Are you trying to get away from Neji? Or are you trying to get back to the person that you love?"

"I don't want to run away from Neji. He really is wonderful... I just can't move on... If I could then maybe I could love him... He definitely tries hard enough to get me to love him on a daily basis." Nanami picked her notepad back up and began writing on it. He just looked at her; he couldn't believe that he might really tell her all of this... It had been three years and nobody knew...

"So who are you running to, a lover who left you and broke your heart?" He shook his head slowly and dropped his hand from his chin, letting it hit the arm rest. "I left him and broke my heart." Nanami looked at him interestedly before placing her notepad and pen on the table beside her slowly. "Tell me what happened, Naruto. Tell me as a friend, not a psychiatrist." He looked over towards the window again at the rain that had begun falling harder, beating against the window now.

"Three years ago, before I came back home... Pervy Sage and I got separated in this town so I went to the forest nearby to wait for him. I waited for four hours and he never showed up, so just when I was about to go back into town to look for him... Nanami, the man that I met, who jumped in front of me as I was about to walk back into town, I fell in love with him. It was love at first sight..." He paused and looked over to her to find that she was looking at him with rapt attention.

"Who was he, Naruto?" He smiled slightly as he remembered that day. It was so clear in his memory like it had just been yesterday not three years ago. "He is someone forbidden... Someone who could kill me... Someone who is supposed to kill me... I would lay my life down for him because I love him... I would let him kill me because I belong to him. His name is Deidara." He heard her gasp; he knew that that would be her reaction to that name.

"Naruto, he's an Akatsuki member..." This was the first time that he had heard her genuinely shocked at something that he had told her. Although it wasn't that surprising, if anyone else heard what he had just said they would have probably started yelling at him. "I know. He had told me that he'd been following me to capture me. I told him I'd do anything he wanted if he would let me go on my way...he wanted me... I let him have me. For the next two months Deidara followed Pervy Sage and I everywhere; always hidden in the shadows, but always present, waiting for me to be alone so that we could have time together."

Nanami leaned forward in her chair a little bit and Naruto uncrossed his legs before reaching up to rub his eye. "He told me he loved me... Whether it was true or not... I don't know, I don't think I ever will know, but I know that I loved him; that I love him. But we were almost home... I told him...that it was over...he and I couldn't be together anymore. He was shocked; he tried to fight me with reason, but there wasn't one good enough. The fact that I loved him wasn't enough for us to stay together. I left him standing there in the woods on that last night before I came home, and Pervy Sage never asked why I was crying when he got back."

A tear fell and he wiped it away but it was followed by another and then another. He finally gave up on trying to get rid of them; he knew it was no use. He had spent three days crying when he Deidara. He didn't expect the tears to stop quickly when he just thought about what he had done to the man that he loved. Nanami stood up and walked over to him. She sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"Naruto, you did the right thing by leaving him. Only bad things could have come of your relationship with him. And now that you've talked about it you might be able to move on." He bit the inside of his cheek as more tears spilled and fell into his lap. "I'll never be able to move on, Nanami. Deidara was my first love and I'll always love him."

"That might be true, but now you can at least try to make room for someone else in your heart." He nodded slowly and stood up. "I'll...see you next week, Nanami." He left the room moments later. Nanami felt bad for Naruto, she knew what it was like to lose the one you love, but it must have been so hard for him to be the one to walk away.

She stood up and went to stand in front of the window. As she looked out at the dismal grey of the sky she saw Naruto walking from the building on his way home, getting soaked. She sighed, the boy just never learned...

**TBC...**

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A/N: And there was the second chapter. Now I'm feeling bad for Neji and Naruto, poor boys... Well I hope that you all review and tell me what you think! I really want to hear what you think about this. I don't know exactly when I'll post chapter three but I'll post it eventually, most likely around the beginning of next month. So, again, please review. Thank you.

Again, like in the first chapter, if you're curious, a lot of the things that happen in Shippuden and everything won't be happening here. I'm not exactly sure about what yet, but it'll all be explained later.

Sorry if there are any errors, if you spot any please tell me and I'll fix them as soon as I can.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	3. Chapter 3

Well hello everyone. This is day six of my Update-A-Thon. So this is what is being updated today. I hope you look forward to tomorrows update, since it is the last for this Update-A-Thon, and I hope that you review. And yeah...these first few chapters are short and slow, but they are giving the much needed background info, so you've got to deal with them. I don't think that any chapter will be too long though...so yeah.

Rating: T

Pairings: Neji/Naruto, but it won't just be that forever.

Warnings: Shonen-ai and possible language in the future. But if you don't like boys kissing then go away. Now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own Matsumoto Nanami.

**Note: I'd just like to say that I have a new poll on my page so please go and vote on it. I would really appreciate it.**

I would just like to touch on something. _**Diaryanjo**_ asked me if this takes place after Gaara's capture and I just wanted to say, since some other people might be wondering the same thing as well, that this does take place after Gaara's capture and whatnot. Like I said at the end of the last chapter some things in Shippuden will have happened, but then again a lot will have not happened.

Everything will be explained in later chapters so don't worry your heads about it, my dear readers.

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**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter three**

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When he got home he was soaked; he didn't care though. His session with Nanami had made him think too much. Could he really move on? Could he really stop thinking about Deidara every day that he was with Neji? Could he ever love Neji or anyone else? He knew that Nanami was right...that he needed to move on, but it all just seemed so hard to do. He had held on to the thought that Deidara might come back; might come for him. To tell him that he loved him; that he wouldn't let him go. It had been three years though. Now he realized that Deidara would never come back for him.

He should have realized it a long time ago. He should have known that holding on to this memory of what they had had was foolish of him. He knew that he had a wonderful man in front of him the entire time, but he refused to see it; see him because he wanted to hold on to Deidara. He wanted to hold on to a man that, obviously, didn't want him... So why did he torture himself with it for so long?

"Naruto? Oh, gosh, Naruto. Come here, you better get out of those wet clothes before you get sick. C'mon." He looked up and saw Neji, who had came down the stairs and saw him standing in front of the closed door looking at the floor. He nodded and walked over to his boyfriend, taking the hand that was held out by the brunette, and walked up the stairs with him and into their room to change clothes.

He stripped out of his wet clothes as he watched Neji search through his drawers for something for him to wear. A few moments later Neji presented him a black t-shirt, black boxers, and a pair of blue jeans. "Is this alright? This is really about all you have clean at the moment; I haven't had time to do laundry today." He nodded as he took the clothes from the man and began to get changed.

Neji started gathering his wet clothes off of the ground and he stopped putting his clothes on to look at the brunette. The man really was wonderful. He did everything, took great care of him, loved him with his whole heart...and what did he do to repay that? He just kept taking and taking and couldn't even love the man back because he held on to another; a person who would never come back for him.

Neji placed the wet clothes in a basket with other dirty clothes before he looked over at Naruto to find him in just the boxers and blue jeans. "What's wrong?" He asked looking at him concerned. Naruto just shook his head and Neji sighed. He had learned long ago that he couldn't push things like this with Naruto. If something was wrong then the blonde would just tell him eventually. Neji nodded and turned around to make sure he had gotten all the clothes.

Suddenly there was a wet chest pressed against his clothed back and arms were around his midsection, Naruto's head was also leaning on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Neji," Naruto whispered softly into his boyfriend's ear. Neji blinked. "It's alright, Naruto." He had no idea what Naruto was sorry about. If it was about running away last night then Naruto should know that he wasn't mad about it.

"No, I promise... I'm gonna start doing more, all right?" Naruto's lips pressed against his neck after his blonde lover had said that, and it surprised him. Naruto wasn't the affectionate type, at least with him. He had always been the one to kiss him; to start everything, but now, suddenly... What had happened to Naruto?

He turned around in Naruto's arms and looked at him seriously and concerned. "Naruto, you know that you don't need to do anything around here. I've got everything covered." Naruto looked at him and bit his lip lightly. What was wrong with his boyfriend? He desperately wanted to help him. "What's wrong, Naruto?" His voice was soft but serious.

Naruto looked away from him for a moment but when he looked back he looked slightly upset. "You do too much for me, Neji..." Neji smiled slightly before he brought his arms up around Naruto's neck. "I like doing things for you. It's not like I've got anything else to do anyway." Moments later Naruto's lips were on Neji's, surprising the brunette quite a bit, and before Neji could even react Naruto pulled away and hugged him, placing his head on his shoulder once again.

"I don't deserve you, Neji," he whispered softly as his lavender-eyed boyfriend hugged him back. He felt Neji hug him a bit tighter after he said that. Naruto knew that it was true though; how could he possibly deserve someone that he didn't even love, someone that he just kept taking from and gave nothing to? "Naruto..."

Neji pulled away from him and walked to the door before he quickly turned around and walked to the window, then the bed, then the dresser. "Neji...?" Something was wrong with his lover. "Naruto, I know that you don't love me... I've accepted that you don't for so long. And I know you love someone else..." Neji looked at him and Naruto could tell that Neji was deeply upset.

"It hurts me, but I know it's true..." Neji closed his eyes before he brought a hand up to rub his eye. "I don't know...why you've stayed with me...all this time if you love someone else..." Neji walked over to the bed with his eyes closed and sat down before putting his head in his hands. Naruto knew that this was ripping his lover apart inside, but he had never seen Neji this emotional in his entire life.

It was just another thing that Nanami had been right about. Neji knew that he was in love with someone else...was he that transparent? She had said that it was blatantly obvious that he had feelings for another so he must be. He knew that Deidara was never going to come back to him; he knew that he had to get over the blonde man who had jumped into his life three years ago. Seeing Neji like this; so distraught over knowing that he loved someone else... It hurt him. He didn't want his boyfriend to hurt because of him, although he had been hurting the brunette for the past three years.

"Neji... I'm sorry. There is nothing I can say that will change the fact that I love someone else... But Neji..." He walked over and sat next to Neji on the bed, the brunette didn't look up at him and he knew that his lover was crying. He had to make a decision right now... He could leave Neji or he could stay and try to learn to love the man. "Please look at me, Neji," he said softly. For many moments he thought Neji wasn't going to look at him, but slowly the lavender-eyed man lifted his head up and the pupil-less, crying eyes looked into his own sky blue ones.

"Neji... You have to understand... It was three years ago, before we were together... I have to get over him... I know that..." Another tear fell from the lavender eyes and his hand reached up to wipe it away, staying on his cheek after it had wiped the tear. "...I want to learn to love you, Neji." Neji bit his lip and closed his eyes and moments later he felt Naruto's lips against his for the second time in one day. This time he got to kiss back briefly before Naruto pulled away from him a little bit.

"Will you let me?" He had no choice but to nod. It would be utterly stupid of him to make Naruto leave him when he loved the man more than words could ever explain. Now he hoped that they could start over. Maybe Naruto would be more affectionate; that was all that he really cared about. He could do all the house work, he didn't mind it, but Naruto being so cold to him really hurt and it was what had tipped him off to Naruto's feelings for another in the first place.

**TBC...**

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A/N: Well there you go. Now I'm really feeling extra bad for Neji, poor man. Anyways, please review and tell me what you think! Thank you!

Sorry if there are any errors, if you find any please tell me and I'll fix them as soon as possible.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	4. Chapter 4

Well hello again everyone. This is day two of the second Update-A-Thon. This story, is taking some...interesting twists now, but come chapter 7 everything will begin to make even more sense so just keep on reading if you like the story. :) And please review!

Rating: T

Parings: Neji/Naruto

Warnings: Shonen-ai, and possible language in the future. So if you don't like boys kissing then leave.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own Matsumoto Nanami.

**Note: Please go and vote on my poll, if you have not already, because it is going to be closing sometime around the 25th so these are the last couple weeks to vote.**

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**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter four**

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He was standing in the laundry room putting clothes in the dryer. He had been down here for hours; he just needed to be away from Naruto for a while. Finding out that what he had thought about his lover was, indeed, true, hurt him deeply. He had been in the laundry room for the last few hours crying intermittently. He didn't want to give Naruto up, that was why he said that he'd let Naruto try and learn to love him.

Something that scared him though, was that Naruto would never love him; that Naruto would leave him. It was a fear; a fear that he had held deep inside for the past two years. He didn't want to lose Naruto, but he wanted Naruto to be happy. If Naruto wasn't happy with him and wanted to leave him...then he knew that Naruto had a right to leave, even if he would be mierable without his blonde lover.

He was so caught up in his thoughts and the laundry that he didn't hear the knock on the front door and he didn't hear Naruto come in the laundry room. "Neji?" He busied himself with setting the dryer. "Yes, Naruto?"

"Uh... Oh, Hokage-sama wants to see you," He nodded and turned around, hoping that Naruto wouldn't know that he had been crying while he was down here. Naruto didn't seem to notice; that or he just wasn't paying attention. "I'll be back later then," he said while walking to Naruto, who was leaning against the doorframe. He stopped for a moment and kissed Naruto on the lips before walking past him and leaving the house.

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Naruto looked out the window by the front door as he watched Neji walk down the street to go see the Hokage. He had seen the tear stains on his lover's cheeks. He might be dense sometimes, but he didn't just totally ignore the obvious. He bit his lip and walked over to the couch and sat down, staring off into space.

Neji was upset; any idiot could see that, and thankfully, he was that idiot. His brunette lover was upset because Neji finally knew the truth about his feelings. It made him feel bad; made him feel worse than any other time that he hurt Neji. He didn't really think that it was possible for him to feel this bad for hurting someone that he didn't love. It made him remember how he felt when he left Deidara...

"Stop it. I'm supposed to be forgetting about him..." Although he told himself this as he leaned forward and put his head in his hands with a sigh he knew that some things he just wouldn't be able to forget. He knew that he was supposed to be letting Deidara go to try and, actually, live life with Neji and learn to love the man. And in some ways, since he had talked with Nanami about it, it all seemed easier to do, but at the same time he just didn't want to let go of someone that he had held on to for so long.

"Forgetting about whom...?" His head shot up and he looked at the end of the couch to see Neji standing there with grocery bags in his arms. Neji took one look at him and set the bags on the floor before coming to sit next to him. "...Naruto..." Neji was looking at him with so much concern in his eyes and a moment later one of Neji's hands came up and gently brushed against his cheek, wiping his tears away. When had he even started crying?

"...Naruto, what's wrong?" Naruto's eyes glanced over to the window to see that it was dark outside. He looked back at Neji before putting his hand against the side of his face and looking down at the couch. "What in the world happened...?" He asked to no one in particular. Neji's hand was under his chin and a moment later he was looking into his boyfriend's serious but concerned eyes. "Naruto, what are you talking about? What's wrong?"

He was seriously confused, he couldn't have been sitting on the couch for more than a few minutes...but it was dark now all of the sudden. "I...I don't really know... When you left I came and sat down right here... Then I put my head in my hands and said what I said...and... Why is it dark?"

"Naruto," Neji said softly letting his hand drop from Naruto's chin. "I've been gone for three hours. I left at five and now it's eight." Naruto shook his head rapidly, making Neji stop his talking. "No... No... No..." Naruto closed his eyes and started shaking a clenched fist in the air slowly as he bit his lip. "I swear... I was only sitting here for a few minutes..." Naruto opened his eyes and looked at Neji as he put his fist against the couch.

Neji saw the tears in his boyfriend's eyes and felt so bad for him. He quickly wrapped his arms around Naruto tightly and the blonde started crying into his neck. "Please... N-Neji... You have to believe me..." Neji rocked the crying blonde in his arms to try and comfort him. "Shh, it's okay. I believe you," he said trying to calm Naruto down some.

Naruto pulled away from him slightly, putting his hands on either side of his face gently. "Neji, I need to talk to Nanami..." He nodded before getting up slowly and walking into the kitchen. He walked back out a few moments later with a phone in his hand, he handed it to Naruto who thanked him before taking it. Naruto started dialing a number he knew by heart as he watched Neji pick the grocery bags up and walk into the kitchen with them.

After two rings the soft, calm voice of Matsumoto Nanami rang in his ear. "Hello,"

"Nanami..."

"Naruto," he knew that she wasn't surprised to be hearing from him at this time. "Is something the matter? You don't sound one hundred percent." She knew him so well.

"...I-it happened again, Nanami..."

She was quiet for a few moments. "How did it happen this time, Naruto? Don't leave anything out."

He nodded and leaned back against the couch, wiping his crying eyes. "...Neji left to go see Hokage-sama.. He was upset because he found out that I love someone else... So I sat down on the couch and started thinking...and I put my head in my hands and said, "Stop it. I'm supposed to be forgetting about him..." then Neji was home with grocery's asking me who I was supposed to be forgetting..." He sighed deeply and wiped his eyes again.

"What is it, Naruto?"

"Nanami... I swear... I had only been sitting there for a few minutes... But Neji said... H-he said that he'd been gone for...three hours..." He bit his lip and looked down at the floor as he heard silence on the other end of the phone. "Naruto... You know that it's never been that bad before..." He closed his eyes.

"Yes, I know..."

"Naruto, you know that these blackouts and your mental condition are the exact reason that Hokage-sama will not let you go on missions anymore." Unfortunately, yes, he knew that as well...

"Yes, Nanami, I know... But there isn't anything that I can do about it." He heard papers rustle in the background suddenly.

"Naruto, I'm rescheduling your session. Come see me on Monday instead and bring Neji if you can."

"Alright... Thank you...for being here, Nanami."

"Anytime, Naruto. Good-bye." He told her good-bye as well and hung the phone up just as Neji walked out of the kitchen. He saw Naruto with the phone still and stopped mid-step but Naruto waved him over while setting the phone down on the table. Neji came and sat next to him hesitantly.

"Are you alright, Naruto?" Naruto nodded and looked over at his boyfriend before he grabbed Neji's hand. Neji looked and him for a moment and blinked. "On Monday, Nanami wants you to come to my session with me, if you can," Naruto said staring intently at their linked hands.

"I should be back by then, so of course I'll go." Naruto looked up at him confused. "You're going somewhere?" For some reason knowing that Neji was going somewhere made him feel slightly lonely, even though the man was sitting right next to him. Neji nodded slightly. "Hokage-sama is sending me on a mission tomorrow; I should be back on Sunday though, early Monday by the latest." Naruto nodded sadly, he didn't want to be left alone. He never liked being alone when Neji went on a mission; especially when Neji went on a mission because it just reminded him that he was no longer allowed to go on them.

Neji leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I did try to get out of it, if that makes you feel any better. I told her that I'd rather stay here with you; she really wasn't having that though... I'm sorry." A tiny smile formed on his lips as he heard Neji say that. It was really sweet of Neji to do that for him. He closed the little bit of space between them with a kiss, surprising Neji.

When he pulled away a few moments later he smiled. "That was really sweet of you, Neji." Neji smiled back as Naruto stood up from the couch and began walking towards the staircase. "Come on, Neji. We'd better go take a shower so you can get to bed soon, that way you won't be late in the morning." Neji got up and followed Naruto.

Naruto figured that he could at least repay Neji's kindness the only way he really knew how. Plus, if he was going to be alone until Sunday he needed something to remind him of the wonderful boyfriend that he had.

**TBC...**

* * *

A/N: And there is chapter four, well... Please review and tell me what you think. Next chapter will be out next month, so I'm really hoping to hear from you all. Thank you.

If there are any errors then please tell me and I'll fix them as soon as possible.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	5. Chapter 5

Well hello all once again! This is day seven of the Update-A-Thon and this is chapter five of this lovely story! Now this chapter, in my opinion, is pretty good, except it does have one kinda ehish part that I just couldn't find any way to really fix up... But I hope that you can look past that and enjoy the chapter!

Rating: T

Pairings: Actually...Deidara/Naruto stuff in here since Neji is away...but well, when you read you'll understand.

Warnings: Shonen-ai and possible language in the future, and pretty much some depressing stuff most all of the way through. So if you don't like boys kissing then kindly leave.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own Matsumoto Nanami.

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter five**

* * *

He was sad; he was alone. He didn't like being alone. He realized, now that Neji had been gone for two hours, that he missed the man so much. He had never realized it before now, and Neji had gone away many times before. But something changed, he realized, he just didn't know what.

He sighed and leaned back against the couch cushion, wondering how in the world he was going to get through this weekend without Neji with him. He hadn't been able to do anything but think about the brunette since the man left, and it was really beginning to drive him up the wall. He wanted to get Neji out of his mind, but wasn't this what he was supposed to be doing? Learning to love the man?

He went back to his original position, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Thinking of Neji all the time was really...quite different, but he liked it. It was something new to him. Not like thinking about Deidara, or thinking about all the things the man had done. Neji was a wonderful guy while Deidara... Deidara was, well, he was not as wonderful as Naruto had once thought.

"Naruto-kun..." The soft voice trailed off and Naruto froze, opening his eyes to stare at the blackness that his hands offered him. He knew that voice all too well though, as he had been with that voice for some time, and the voice had haunted him for years. Naruto didn't turn around. He just sat there, hoping that it was all some elaborate trick that his mind had made up.

"Naruto-kun," the voice said again, this time louder. Naruto took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm himself. There was no way in the world that Deidara was here, and the logical part of his brain screamed that out at him. Another part of him was crying out that it was true, that Deidara was behind him. He still didn't turn around, determined not to let this get to him. He was supposed to be forgetting Deidara.

"Why do you act like this, Naruto-kun?" Naruto's breathing stopped as he heard the voice right behind him, then after a moment he felt warm breath on his neck. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to regain some kind of control over this situation, but he could not. Slowly he felt the breath get closer and closer as if the person were drawing closer to his neck. Then suddenly he felt warm, familiar lips on his neck, kissing the tan flesh gently.

His eyes closed, bringing the darkness that his eyelids provided him as his eyes began to water. "No..." His teeth clenched together tightly. "This isn't real..." Only seconds after he said that the lips pulled away, but the breath remained, close and warm. "But of course this is real, un. And I've been waiting for this opportunity for a long time, Naruto-kun," the words were spoken so softly, and he didn't want to believe that it was true.

There was only one way to know if what he was hearing and feeling was actually real, but he found himself not wanting to find out. He wanted to stay in the dark; he wanted to continue feeling Deidara's warmth. His mind, the logical part of him that was beginning to fade fast, was telling him to think about Neji; it was telling him to stop thinking about Deidara, for the man was no good and he knew it.

The thought of Neji made him open his eyes once more, before he whipped his head around to look behind him. His blue eyes searched the open space behind him, but he did not find the man that he had thought had been talking to him only a moment before. He closed his eyes again and bit his lip before his hand came down hard against the couch.

He was hallucinating. He hadn't hallucinated since...since he had left Deidara, but now everything was coming back. The blackouts, the hallucinations. He hoped that things wouldn't get as bad as they had the last time.

He brought his hand up from the couch to rub his bare arm and he wished that Neji was back already, he needed the man to be here with him desperately. He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, pushing away all of his thoughts. He sat like that for a few minutes before he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

Naruto stood up from the couch slowly and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a knife once he was in the room. Fifteen times he brought the blade down against his flesh, over old scars, then he sat the bloodied knife down on the counter and walked back in the living room. He sat himself back down on the couch and stared at his bleeding arm, then he looked at the trail of blood that he had left.

A small smile formed on his lips before he closed his eyes. They opened again a few moments later, like nothing had happened, and Naruto sighed before he rubbed his arm again, feeling a slight tingle under his skin. His brow furrowed when he felt the unnatural slick warmth on his skin, and he looked down to find himself horror-stuck. His arm, his hand, the couch and the floor were covered in his blood, but he hadn't done it. He would have known if he had done that, right?

He quickly jumped up from the couch and ran up to the bathroom, tears forming in his eyes. First the hallucination and then this, he couldn't believe it. He opened the medicine cabinet quickly, as his blood continued to stain the floor, and he grabbed everything that he needed to bandage his arm properly. He sat down on the floor and began to bandage his arm, not bothering to clean the blood off it first, while tears began to fall from his eyes.

Once he was finished he threw the things against the opposite wall and brought his hands up to his face, getting his blood on himself, but not caring. "...Neji..." He needed the man to be here so bad. It was killing him inside. The only thing he could do was cry and wonder why he had done this to himself, since there was no other explanation for it.

He knew that he should call Nanami and tell her about what happened, but he couldn't. He couldn't find the strength to get off the floor. He couldn't find the strength to stop crying. All he wanted was Neji; he just wanted the man to be here and tell him that everything was alright and that he shouldn't cry. But it wasn't alright, and he knew it. Everything was getting worse. He hadn't cut himself in so long, nearly two years, and suddenly...for some reason, he cut himself again and he didn't even know it.

Naruto knew that he had had a blackout and he hadn't been able to stop himself, for he hadn't even known what was going on. It was scaring him that all this was happening again; he didn't want this. He just wanted to be happy.

**XxXxXxXxX**

It had taken him hours to finally drag himself from the bathroom the day before just so he could lie in his and Neji's bed. And that was where he was determined to stay until Neji got back, which he was hoping was later that night and not early the next morning. He hadn't slept, in fear that something might happen, and he hadn't left their bed except when he absolutely had to, and when he left he was on guard.

Naruto knew that if Neji were with him then he wouldn't be having any of these problems and he would be able to walk about the house normally. For some reason Neji had always been able to keep his little episodes away. The only times that he would end up having them were when Neji was gone on a mission or out somewhere, or when he was on his way back home from his session with Nanami. But miraculously for two years everything stopped mostly, he'd have the occasionly thing here and there, but for the most part... After Neji had confessed his love, everything pretty much stopped.

But now, it hurt Naruto that when he was trying to learn to love Neji he couldn't because his life was being interrupted by hallucinations and blackouts. He found that it wasn't fair when all he wanted was to be happy with the man that he had in his life.

Naruto suddenly pushed all of his thoughts away and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Every time that he breathed Neji's scent hit him and let him know that Neji would be home soon. The lavender and vanilla that intermingled on the sheets were both from Neji as the man randomly picked one of the two shampoos every day. And yet, Naruto had always found it funny that Neji wouldn't touch his shampoo. It was just odorless, but he had always told Neji that he should just use it once so that he could see what he makes the bed smell like.

A smile formed on Naruto's lips and he pulled Neji's pillow closer to him so that he could cuddle with it. He lay there for minutes like that, just wondering when Neji was going to be home. "Neji... I miss you..." It was the first time he had ever admitted it aloud, but he knew that it was true. It hadn't just been a fleeting feeling when he felt lonely yesterday. He knew that he missed Neji terribly because the man was his rock and he needed him here always.

As he thought about how much he missed the brunette he began to tell himself all the things he would do once he saw Neji again. "I'm going to tell him how much I miss him... I'll tell him that I'll never leave him, because I won't," he was speaking to Neji's pillow, like it was keeping a secret for him. "I'll kiss him and hug him... God... I need him here so bad..." His grip on the pillow became even tighter as he found himself near tears just over Neji being away on a mission.

He knew that he shouldn't be breaking down just because of that because it was really nothing. It wasn't like Neji was going to be away from three months or worse, three years. Naruto knew that Neji would be back soon but he was still driving himself crazy with loneliness.

**XxXxXxXxX**

The entire night he lay there in their bed, hugging Neji's pillow underneath the blankets, but Neji never came home. That night Naruto thought that he might just end up losing it again, but he never did and finally as it neared 1 a.m. Naruto slept, knowing that he'd need to be a little rested for when he saw Nanami later that morning.

While Naruto slept he was at peace for once since Neji had left for his mission. His sleep was dreamless, but it was just in the very back of his mind, a part of him that never rested, that he kept telling himself to never let go of Deidara.

**TBC...**

* * *

A/N: Well there is chapter five, and if you caught the ehish part...I'm sorry, if not then...well good! But either way, I hope you liked the chapter and I hope that you review and tell me what you think. Thank you!

If there are any errors please let me know and I will fix them as soon as possible.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	6. Chapter 6

Hello all! Update-A-Thon, day two, chapter six, hope you like! And yeah, Neji's name is used quite a bit in this chapter, so I'm just letting you know now.

Rating: T

Pairings: Neji/Naruto

Warnings: Shonen-ai, possible language and violence in future chapters, so if you don't like that then go away.

Disclaimer: I might not own Naruto but I do own Matsumoto Nanami!

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter six**

* * *

All Naruto could do was worry. He hadn't seen his lover at all yet and it was nearly time for their appointment with Nanami. Neji had promised him that he would be home early on Monday if he was going to get home on the dreadful day, and since Naruto had seen nothing of the brunette he was beginning to wonder if Neji was okay.

So as the hour got closer Naruto began to pace, desperately hoping that Neji would return home soon. But nearly ten minutes before their session Naruto realized that Neji wasn't going to be coming, and so he quickly left the house alone, feeling miserable without his lover.

The entire way to his session he worried about Neji, hoping that something horrible hadn't befallen the man he so needed in his life. And when he knocked on Nanami's office door he began to wonder just what in the world he would tell her. "Come in, Naruto," he heard her faint voice call to him softly. He did as told and walked in slowly, eyes glued to the ground, and shut the door behind him a moment later.

Without being asked he went and sat in his normal spot on the couch, placing his hands in his lap, but did not look at Nanami the entire time. "Neji couldn't make it?" she asked quietly. Naruto began tapping his foot nervously as his eyes skittered across the floor. "He said he would try, but he was sent on a mission over the weekend," his voice was very quiet, nearly a whisper, but he knew that Nanami could hear him.

Nanami looked at the man across from her for a few moments as the silence stretched. She could tell that something was definitely wrong with Naruto. "What's wrong?" she asked softly. Naruto's body twitched slightly. "I don't wanna talk about it..." he told her, still staring at the floor. "Naruto, therapy is for talking about things. I can tell you are deeply troubled by something, so talk to me," she said, trying to coax him into opening up.

Naruto was silent for many minutes, wondering just what he could and couldn't say to the woman across from him, who sounded genuinely worried about him. "...I just... I need Neji, Nanami..." he finally admitted to her. She looked at him confused as he stared down at the floor still. "What do you mean?"

A moment after her question was asked he looked up at her, and she could see how close to breaking down he was. "I mean... I need him... I need him so much... Nanami, I-I...can't... I just... I can't live without him..." And Naruto had known that it was true deep inside from the moment that Neji had left on his mission. It had only gotten clearer to him as the days went by, lonely and depressing.

"Naruto," before Nanami could say anything more a knock interrupted her. She looked at Naruto apologetically before her grey eyes moved to the door. "Come in," she said pleasantly. The door opened and at almost the same time the person on the other side began talking. "I'm sorry I'm late, thin—" before the man could even finish his sentence Naruto was up and hugging him tightly, knowing that it was Neji just by the voice.

The brunette hugged his lover back as he looked at Nanami, giving her a questioning look. She just smiled slightly. "Oh, god, Neji... I missed you so much..." Naruto said softly against Neji's neck as he continued to hug the elder, not wanting to let go. "I missed you, too, Naruto," Neji replied, a little taken aback by Naruto's words and actions.

After a few more moments in their embrace, Neji pulled away and led Naruto to the couch, sitting him down before he sat next to the blonde. Naruto immediately grabbed Neji's arm and held it, to make sure that the brunette wouldn't be going anywhere. "...Is everything alright...?" Neji asked Nanami slowly as the woman watched them.

"Oh, I believe everything is a bit better now that you're here. I'm Matsumoto Nanami, by the way," she introduced herself with a smile. Neji smiled lightly, happy that he was seeing Naruto again. "Hyuga Neji, nice to meet you, Matsumoto-san," he said politely and Nanami nodded. "I've heard a great deal about you, Neji," Nanami commented.

Neji looked over at Naruto who hugged his arm tighter as he leaned against him. "Are you okay, Naruto?" Naruto just stayed silent for a moment. "...Neji... Please...don't ever leave me again..." Neji looked at Naruto a second longer before he glanced over to Nanami. "Naruto... I have to leave sometimes. I'm sorry, but I do." Naruto bit his lip and nodded, trying to block out everything that had happened while Neji had been away.

"Okay..." Nanami broke in once again, making Naruto look at her. "I think the three of us have some things to discuss," she said softly. "Now, Naruto, while Neji was away... Did anything happen?" The blonde closed his eyes as his grip on Neji's arm tightened even more, but after a moment he nodded slowly, although he made no move to speak. They sat there in silence for several mintues, waiting on Naruto.

Finally, when Nanami realized she was going to get no actual response from Naruto she spoke again. "What happened, Naruto?" she asked, making the blonde sigh softly as he had hoped that she would not ask him. "...Just... It's nothing, okay?" He was trying to get her to just let it go so that he wouldn't have to explain anything to Neji, but he knew, deep down, that she just wasn't going to give up.

"Naruto, what happened while I was away?" Neji was the one to ask this time, making Naruto look up at his lover, a little frightened. Naruto sighed once again before he let go of Neji's arm and began to pull off his jacket that he had worn in, although it wasn't that cool outside. Once it was off he placed it over the back of the couch and sat there, staring at Nanami, trying to pretend that Neji wasn't there; that this was just one of his regular sessions.

"I swear, Nanami, I did not do this on purpose..." It was right when those words were spoken that Nanami knew what was coming next. The next moment Naruto flipped his arm over and showed the uncovered healing wounds on his arm. Neji stared at his lover's arm in complete and utter shock, wondering just what the hell Naruto had done to himself. After a moment Neji reached out slowly and touched Naruto's arm. "...N-Naruto..."

It took everything that he had, but Naruto ignored Neji so that he could actually explain to Nanami what had happened before his wounds had appeared. "Before _this_... I hallucinated... I heard him... In my house, I heard him... I felt him..." This talk of a "him" was beginning to confuse Neji, so he spoke up. "Who?" Nanami looked over at Neji and gave him a small smile, to try and lessen the blow of the news that she was about to tell him.

But the moment she opened her mouth to speak the name of the Akatsuki member Naruto turned to Neji and caught the shocked man in a kiss, shocking him even more. Once Naruto pulled away he looked into Neji's lavender eyes. "Deidara," and once again silence reigned over the three. It was quickly broken by Neji, "...What?" The brunette almost didn't believe what he had just heard from his lover.

"The man...that I told you I was in love with, it was Deidara," Naruto admitted to Neji, who suddenly jumped up from the couch and started pacing in front of the window. "No. No, there is no way..." Neji said to himself before he stopped and looked at Naruto. "He kidnapped Gaara! The Akatsuki killed Gaara! And you... You're in love with him...that...that murdering psychopath?!"

Naruto stood up from the couch and went over to Neji. "Neji, Gaara is alive though," he said. "And, Neji..." Naruto moved closer, trying to hug Neji or make some sort of physical contact, but Neji back away from him. "Stay away from me, Naruto..." Naruto looked hurt and felt deeply betrayed by Neji. "...Neji..." He took a step closer to his lover but Neji put his hand out, halting any more movement.

"Just stop. I need time to think about this..." Naruto reached out and touched Neji's hand lightly with his fingertips. "Please, Neji... Just listen to me," he pleaded quietly. After a few moments Neji nodded, allowing Naruto to go on. "All weekend... I missed you so much, so horribly, terribly much. I thought so much while you were gone... Neji... Neji..." Naruto just couldn't finish his sentence. He stepped a little bit closer, and was happy when Neji didn't move away from him.

"Neji... I said that it was Deidara... While you were gone... Neji, I realized, I need you... I realized I can't live without you..." Naruto stopped speaking and stepped even closer to Neji, placing their hands firmly together and lacing their fingers together in the air. "I realized... That maybe it's been this way all along, but I was just too blind to see before now..." Neji just looked at Naruto as the blonde moved even closer to him.

"I realized while you were gone, Neji... That I love you..."

**TBC...**

* * *

A/N: Well there you go; that's chapter six! I hope you liked it and I hope you could get over reading Neji's name four hundred times, or actually fifty-six times. But anyway, I hope that you all review and tell me what you think. Thank you.

If there are any errors then please tell me and I will fix them as soon as possible.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	7. Chapter 7

Wooo, it's been awhile, hasn't it? But here I am again, finally...with this chapter. It didn't take me...too terribly long, did it? It probably would have been out months ago but I couldn't ever figure out a good ending, and then once I figured this out the other day I had to rewrite it about three times until I got this as the result of all my hard work. So I hope that you all like it, cause I don't know when I'll be updating again, though hopefully it'll be before I leave, but I never really know.

Rating: T

Pairings: Neji/Naruto, Deidara/Naruto (Yes, finally, Deidara shows his face for real!)

Warnings: Shonen-ai, possible language, violence in later chapters, so if you don't like then go away.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own Matsumoto Nanami.

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter seven**

* * *

Minutes of silence passed by as Neji stared at his lover in shock while they stood less than a foot apart inside Matsumoto Nanami's office. In Neji's shocked state he couldn't tell if he had completely imagined that the words had been said, which at the moment he was hoping so much that he hadn't imagined them. Yet still, even if the proclamation had been entirely real, he couldn't figure out if Naruto's words held even an ounce of truth behind them.

So finally, he found his voice and asked, "...W-what...?" and although his evident shock may have been hidden on his face there was no way that he could cover up the overpowering astonished tone in his voice. Just after he asked his question Naruto moved even closer to him, hugging him after a moment. "I love you, Neji," Naruto said again. And once the words were spoken, allowing Neji to completely come to terms with what he had heard, his eyes closed as a feeling of unbelievable happiness washed over him.

And in the seconds that it took for him to hear the words, his disbelief over Deidara simply melted away, completely forgotten. Because after waiting two years to hear Naruto say those three words to him, there was no way that he would let anything stand between him and his happiness. "I love you so much, Neji," Naruto said it once again, and the words were more truthful than any Neji had heard before in his life. Seconds later, Naruto leaned forward and kissed Neji softly, surprising himself when he did so as he felt a whole new world of sensations open up to him.

Once they parted Neji opened his eyes, smiling lightly. "I love you, too, Naruto..." the words were spoken with stunned truthfulness. It had taken so long for Naruto to love him, and he half expected for Naruto to suddenly tell him that this was all a joke, but as the seconds continued to pass by it was becoming more and more apparent to him that the blonde was finally all his. And he couldn't have been happier. "...I'm sorry to interrupt," Nanami broke in softly, half wishing she hadn't spoken at all because she really could have watched the two all day. Yet once both lovers looked over at her and saw her smiling at them she began to remember that she did actually have a job that needed doing.

"The session isn't over," she informed them softly, making Naruto's eyes widen slightly before he nodded and pulled himself away from Neji but kept a hold on one of the brunette's hands as he took the elder male back to the couch. Once they were seated next to each other on the couch once again they looked at Nanami expectantly. "Now, Naruto, since it seems that things are going a lot better now... I'd like for you to explain your weekend to me," she paused for a moment as Naruto glanced over at Neji tentatively. "And to Neji," she added quickly.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Invigoration. It was the first time that he had felt it in an extremely long time, and to him it felt quite wonderful. It was a feeling that made him think that he could not breathe, although he was doing so quite easily. It was a feeling that made him think that he could not feel, but he knew that he could, otherwise he would not have been feeling so invigorated. And the only reason that he was feeling this invigoration was because he was coming to find the boy that he loved so, although he knew that the boy was no longer a boy, but a man now.

For a moment he stood on his bird that was soaring over the village he used to hear so much about from his lover, knowing that if anyone looked up they just might spot him, but not caring in the least. He slowly closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. _I know you're here..._ He was so relieved to feel Naruto's chakra signature from so high up in the sky. _I know that it has taken me a very long time to come back for you, but I am here at last, Naruto-kun._

His blue eyes opened as the wind blew softly, blowing his blonde locks just a bit to the side as his eyes traveled down to the village that lay beneath him. After a moment he adopted a concerned look, at least as concerned a look as he was able to muster. "...Who is with you, un?" He could feel two different chakra signatures near Naruto's, now that he actually concentrated a bit more, and he began to wonder just why there were two people with his lover.

Deidara took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. It didn't matter who was with his blonde kitsune because he knew that very soon Naruto would belong to him once again.

**XxXxXxXxX**

"It...really wasn't much of a weekend... I hallucinated, like I told you, and I saw him..." Naruto trailed off and looked down at the carpeted floor with an odd expression on his face for just a fraction of a second. "Then...I dunno, I closed my eyes and I guess blacked out... I mean that's the only explanation for this," he said as he gestured toward his left arm with his right hand. "When I opened my eyes again I was bleeding real badly, all over the place. So I went up to the bathroom and bandaged my arm..." he trailed off again before he looked over at Neji hesitantly, who sat beside him completely still, listening intently.

"Then I spent the rest of the time after that laying in bed..." Neji's eyes closed as he sighed, shaking his head, not wanting to believe that he hadn't been there to help his lover. "Naruto, your hallucination, when was the last time that you saw him when you hallucinated?" the blonde swallowed before he began looking around the room, avoiding looking anywhere near the brunette beside him as he attempted to think back. "...I dunno, Nanami, a year...maybe..." the blunette nodded slowly as she jotted it down on her notepad quickly. "And do you remember what happened around that time?"

Silence met Nanami in reply to her question as Naruto sat in thought for a few moments, slowly remembering, turning to look over at his lover as he did so. "...I remember..." he began as he watched Neji's eyes trail along the floor, "I remember...that...Neji..." Lavender eyes rose to meet azure when Neji heard his name. "Neji...you had gone on a mission... Just for the day, you came back the next morning around two..." Naruto's gaze turned back to Nanami as Neji soaked in the new information. "But that was the last time that I can think of that it happened..." she nodded again.

"Is it always Neji leaving that brought it about?" she was quick to ask the question but Naruto wasn't as quick to answer as he brought his hand up and scratched his neck, trying to think.

"It's never him leaving..." he said quietly, "Well, I mean, I suppose it is... 'Cause...I guess I've always missed him when he leaves, but when he does go... I start thinking about Deidara..." Naruto trailed off as he ran a hand through his hair. "And then...that's when I hallucinate or that's when I blackout and can't remember going from one place to another..." Nanami nodded continuously while her patient spoke, noticing that Neji looked over at the man next to him with his mouth slightly agape.

"...How long..." Neji's eyes closed and he shook his head, swallowing back what he was feeling as he attempted to ask his question again, "...How long has this been going on?" Naruto was silent and so the Hyuga looked over at Nanami, expecting her to answer his question. "...Since the day..." Neji's head turned back to Naruto when he heard the younger man speaking, just to see Naruto turn his head away. "Since the day we started our relationship..." Neji stared at the side of his lover's head for a moment before turning his eyes down to the floor, finding himself quite surprised after hearing the words.

"...And you...you never told me...? ...Why didn't you ever tell me about any of this?" The blonde was silent as he kept his eyes on Nanami's legs while Nanami herself looked at Neji, wondering if Naruto was going to answer him at all. "We've been together for three years...it's been...it's been going on for three years, Naruto, why couldn't you tell me about this?" Silence hung still in the room, weighing on the brunette heavily as he was beginning to draw up his own answer.

Finally, Nanami decided that she needed to step in, "Naruto, answer him," it was her soft order she spoke as she looked at him, wanting to hear just what he had to say. The words seemed to kick-start something in Naruto as he moved his head a little, trying to piece his thoughts together. "I resented you... I hated...I hated that you wouldn't allow me to leave—that you kept..._finding_ me and taking me home. I hated that you loved me...and so I didn't tell you..." Lavender eyes widened as Neji turned to look at Naruto once again, a little more concerned with the fact that it sounded quite like the blonde was nearly crying. "...Naruto..."

**XxXxXxXxX**

He found it...incredibly too easy to slip into his lover's home, undetected by everyone. He found that he liked the lack of a challenge. He liked it because no one could alert his lover of his being around yet, when he wanted it to be such a surprise.

As he sat down on the couch in the living room he smiled softly, going through one of the many fantasies in his head about when Naruto would walk through that door and greet him. Anyone that knew him would think it strange, oh so strange, that he had envisioned this a countless number of times. And anyone that had ever met him, and lived to see the next day or not, could have told you that he was an extremely impatient man sometimes.

It was now, as he sat in Naruto's home, waiting so anxiously for the man to return from where it was he had gone off to, that his impatience started to get the best of him. Yet he knew that he could wait, although he really didn't want to. But why would he want to louse up a plan that so far had gone so perfectly?

No, no...he would wait—he could wait. Put his impatience aside and just wait to see Naruto again after being separated from the blonde for so long.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Silence hung in Nanami's office for many moments as both she and Neji ran Naruto's words through their minds, Neji attempting to forget them while Nanami fought the urge to write them down. Finally, Naruto looked up into Nanami's gray eyes, urging her with a single look to say something, _anything_ to make this silence go away. "Ah-ahem... So, you say...that it's Neji leaving that triggers it, at least as far as you can tell, correct?" Naruto nodded a little, quite grateful with the subject change. "Then, perhaps, if I talk to Hokage-sama about this...she'll allow you on missions once again... Given that Neji is with you, of course." Nanami said quietly as she began writing in her notepad quickly, finally getting the change to jot down what she had heard Naruto say to Neji just minutes before.

Naruto simply stared at his psychiatrist without an expression on his face before his eyes moved back down to the ground. "That's good news, Naruto," Neji said softly, patting his lover on the leg as he acted like Naruto hadn't said anything hurtful minutes before, and Naruto could only nod as he attempted to think about leaving the village he had been kept a prisoner in for so long. "...Missions again... Really...?" he was half in a daze after hearing the news. "I can't guarantee that she'll agree, but I'm sure she'll at least consider it." His mind was in another place entirely as he heard her speaking, a place that it tended to venture to much too often. But Naruto shook his head quickly before smiling brightly. "This is really great, isn't it?" the happiness in his voice was only half faked as he stood up, quite ready to finally leave.

Nanami watched her patient with careful eyes as she could tell, from having known him for so long, that something wasn't quite right. "Well thank you, Nanami; we're going to go now, if that's all right." The blunette could only nod as Neji stood up while Naruto began walking to the door. "Naruto..." the blonde man stopped, just barely as he grabbed the doorknob, but he didn't turn around. Nanami's head tilted to the side in concern, "Is everything okay?" Hearing the words made Neji look at his boyfriend oddly for a moment before Naruto simply smiled and nodded before opening the door and leaving the room, though not truthfully knowing exactly if he was okay.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Impatience was just the sort of thing that Deidara hated most, for reasons he didn't really understand, or care to attempt to understand. But as it was, the blonde man who sat in his lover's home was growing too impatient for his being to bear any longer, although he knew that he had to deal with it or else something was going to go horribly wrong. It didn't matter if he didn't know what would go wrong if he attempted to make his impatient feeling go away, he just knew that something, _something_, would go wrong. Because something always went wrong.

So finally, he leaned back into the couch cushions and sighed as he closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax just the tiniest bit. And slowly he felt his dear kitsune's chakra signature growing ever closer to him, slowly because the horrible impatience inside of him wasn't allowing him to concentrate as much as he would have liked.

As he realized he would soon have the man he loved once again Deidara was able to push his impatience away just the tiniest bit. Yet he did all of this without once realizing that somebody else was with Naruto.

**XxXxXxXxX**

"Naruto, are you sure everything is okay? Matsumoto-san seemed quite concerned about you back there..." this was simply Neji's concern talking, Naruto knew that much and so he didn't bother answering the man that was walking next to him as they neared their home, not that he really could have been able to answer the brunette anyway. "What are we doing for lunch, Neji?" the elder was silent as he heard the total change of subject but looked down as he thought. "...Would you like me to go pick something up?" the two men looked at each other just before the blonde flashed a smile at his lover, and Neji instantly knew just what Naruto wanted.

After a moment he stopped mid-step and turned around to begin in the opposite direction. "Would you like to come with me?" Naruto simply shook his head and expected Neji to just go on, but the Hyuga didn't leave. "...Will you be okay?" another smile was gained from his words, a soft smile, one that was meant to reassure the concerned man. "I'll be fine," he answered confidently but Neji still didn't leave, half wondering if he should drag Naruto with him, but then the words that Naruto had said in Nanami's office rang clear in his mind.

Finally, Naruto sighed before he stepped forward and kissed the elder briefly. "I'll be fine. Now go." the words brought a tiny smile to Neji's lips and he nodded lightly. "I'll be back soon," he started off at a semi-normal pace and Naruto watched him go as his thoughts began to drift once again, confusing him greatly. "Oh and Neji!" he shouted after the man as he pushed his thoughts away, making the elder turned his head as he walked, "I love you." Neji didn't return the words but as he turned his head back forward Naruto caught the smile playing at his lover's lips and he turned around to finish his extremely short walk home.

**XxXxXxXxX**

The door shut quietly and blue eyes opened in restrained relief. _Finally..._ it was the only thought that ran through the mind of the blonde that lay upon the couch, making himself as comfortable as he possibly could. After just another second he sat up, then quickly stood up as he saw his lover taking his shoes off at the door. "..." he attempted to speak but it did him no good as he stared at the back of the younger man, so he shook his head and took a silent step forward. "...It's been so long, un..."

Naruto started at the words—at the voice that he remembered so incredibly well, but he didn't turn around. "I...never meant to leave you alone for so long, Naruto-kun..." Deidara's words were slow as his eyes moved up and down over the young man's body. Naruto just stared at the wall in front of him with a steady gaze and slowly closed his eyes. _Not there. Not there. Not there._ It was like a mantra chanted in his mind, calming him but tensing him at the same time. "Naruto-kun... I've come back for you, un."

Silence met Deidara after he spoke the words that he had thought for so long would make Naruto smile that beautiful smile that he had missed so dearly. But in the silence Deidara began to realize that Naruto was acting like he wasn't even there. "...Naruto... Naruto, look at me..." his impatience was beginning to turn into a desperate desire to see his kitsune's face once more as he spoke the order quietly. Yet Naruto didn't look at the man, he simply kept his eyes shut tight and continued to repeat the same words over in his mind. _Not there. Not there. Not there._

"Naruto...why are you ignoring me, un?" the question was asked as the Akatsuki member took a step closer to his lover. "...Why..." Deidara paused and licked his lips while his eyes traveled down to Naruto's feet, "...Why won't you look at me, un?" The continued silence from Naruto made Deidara's eyes narrow as he looked up again at the man's back, attempting to stare a whole through the black shirt. "I understand that I may have made you angry...but I'm here now, Naruto, isn't that enough, un?" Deidara swallowed thickly as the silence around them just continued on, but after a moment his eyes closed as he began to realized something.

"...You want me to say _it_, don't you, un?" a sigh broke from the elder's lips before he took another few steps toward his lover in an attempt to comfort the ache that was growing in him. "You know how much I loathe saying that..." the unwavering silence seemed to be all the answer Deidara needed as he looked down at the ground.

"Okay..." he paused as he finally closed the distance between them, hugging Naruto from behind and placing his lips against the man's ear. "I'm sorry."

Naruto's eyes shot open with a startled gasp as he yanked himself away from the arms around him, expecting them to disappear the moment he turned around. But the moment that he turned he backed up against the door in some type of fear as he saw Deidara standing not even two feet away from him. "Y-you..." his bottom lip trembled lightly as he stared into Deidara's eyes, "You-you're not...there..."

A small smile formed on Deidara's lips, the rare smile that Naruto used to love seeing whenever he could bring it out. "Of course I'm here, un. I know it took a long time...but I'm here, Naruto." Naruto kept himself pinned to the door as he listened to the words, even though he easily could have left. "I'm sorry I left you for so long," the words sounded so genuine, so genuine that they shocked him because he knew that Deidara would never apologize, not even to save his life.

And then, in a flash, Deidara was up against him, holding him, and then...kissing him. And for some completely peculiar reason, Naruto kissed the blonde back. He kissed him so desperately, tasting the lips that were so familiar—tasting the man that had let him rot in the village for so incredibly long.

There was no way for Naruto to deny it any longer. By some odd turn of events, Deidara was here.

Finally Naruto grabbed onto his mind and pushed Deidara away from him. "What...what are you doing here? Why the hell are you here, Dei!" the elder blonde couldn't help but feel good when he heard the nickname leave Naruto's lips. "I'm here to take you back, un." It was his only answer as he leaned down and matched their lips together again. "...But why...?" Naruto asked the question as Deidara's lips pressed against his, as he was very determined to not kiss him back again.

"Because I love you, Naruto."

**TBC...**

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A/N: Ugh! Deidara! You shouldn't just come popping in at random times, especially when Naruto has just figured out that he's fallen in love with someone else! Oh, but that would take all the fun out of it, right? ;) So, hmm, guess you'll just have to see what happens whenever the next chapter comes out. Can you wait that long? Well I'll let you in on a secret, reviews let me know that you like the story and that I should actually continue writing it, seriously; it's true! So review and let me know what you think! Thank you.

And if you happen to find any errors, kindly let me know about them so that I may fix them as soon as possible.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	8. Chapter 8

Well, hello! I really didn't expect to finish this so quickly, but last night I got tired of writing other things and so started looking through my documents...and stumbled upon this and wrote the rest of the first part, up until the break, in a couple of hours. I think that it's a pretty good chapter, but I guess you all will just have to let me know. :)

Rating: T

Pairings: Deidara/Naruto, Neji/Naruto. (There is actually more Dei/Naru than Neji/Naru in this chapter.)

Warnings: Shonen-ai, language, and possible violence in later chapters. If you don't like then go away, please and thank you.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto! I only own Matsumoto Nanami.

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter eight**

* * *

The words echoed around his mind. _I love you._ He stood in a still shock as he kept hearing the same words repeated relentlessly. _I love you. I love you. I love you._ They were words that he had wanted to hear again for three incredibly long years; they were words that he wished hadn't been spoken.

"...You... You _love_ me?" Deidara could only nod in answer to the question. "...You love me!" Naruto brought his arms up and shoved the Akatsuki bomber away from him, feeling once again how real the man was. "You left me in this fucking village to rot, Dei! You _left_ me _alone_ for _three damn years_!" Deidara took a half step back as he heard his lover shout at him. Naruto had never yelled at him before, and he didn't like hearing it now. "You left me here, Dei, and you expect me to believe that you fucking _love_ me?"

Now Deidara took a step forward; he had to defend himself. "Naruto, I didn't come for you because I couldn't, un. It was complicated...the Akatsuki was...complicated..." it was the only way he could even think to begin to explain his actions. "...The Akatsuki is always complicated, Dei..." Naruto's voice was suddenly calm and it made Deidara feel a little better. "...You don't need to be here... You _shouldn't_ have come back," the whisper made the blue eyes widen in surprise.

"What are you saying, un? Like you said, I left you here for three years, I couldn't just let you go on here alone!" Deidara's eyes narrowed when he heard the scoff that came from the younger man. "I'm not alone, Dei; haven't been for three years, in fact." There was suddenly a moment, a moment where Naruto couldn't even see his ex-lover until the man had him pinned against the door. "...There's someone else, un? ...You've been with someone else...?"

"I'm _in love_ with someone else, Deidara," Naruto surely wasn't afraid of the man, as he knew that Deidara wouldn't hurt him, and so he spat out the words, hoping to hurt Deidara the way the man had hurt him with his absence. The elder blonde stood there, frozen with his hand on Naruto's chest. "W-what...un?" he didn't necessarily want Naruto to repeat the words, but he found that that was the only response he had to his angry lover. "You need to leave." Deidara didn't move. "Deidara." Still the elder blonde stood his ground, or more continued to stay rooted to the spot from the shock of Naruto's words.

How could Naruto be in love with someone else?—how could the blonde have even thought to look at another once they had parted ways? And though they had parted, which had given Naruto the right to look for someone new, Deidara really couldn't understand how his kitsune was able to find someone else to love, not after the many times he had told him that he could never love another. Yet, now it made him wonder, was he the only one that had taken those words seriously? Had he been stupid when he gave his heart to Naruto? "Deidara, leave," no, he couldn't do that; not yet.

Their lips met again, like old friends meeting after losing touch for years, but then quickly parted as Naruto shoved him away once more. "Who is he, un?" Deidara was happy that he was finally able to actually speak as the surprise slowly wore off. "It's none of your business," Naruto was a little stunned by the way he was speaking to the bomber, but continued to do it nonetheless. He needed Deidara to leave; he needed to be able to love Neji without the blonde man, real or hallucination, in his life.

Deidara would listen to none of what Naruto said as he moved forward and kissed him once again, grabbing the hands that were quickly moving to shove him away again with one of his own while the other moved upwards, touching Naruto's cheek gently. Naruto stood there, motionless for moments as Deidara continued to kiss him, not caring that the younger's lips were completely unresponsive against his own.

"I will not leave this village without you, Naruto, un," he declared quietly against the man's lips, moving closer still to the jinchuriki, so close that their bodies began rubbing together just slightly and so gently, reminding both men about the touch that they had lost long ago. "...You've gotta go, Dei," Naruto said quietly, his earlier anger gone completely as he felt Deidara's lips pressing against his own again. The Akatsuki member knew that Naruto was breaking, crumbling underneath his fingers, and he couldn't have been more happy.

"Come with me, un."

For a moment, a single and horribly unplanned moment, Naruto actually considered it. He considered running back into the arms of the elder, though he was pretty much already back in his arms at the current moment; he considered leaving the village with him. What he didn't consider though, even in the least bit, was leaning forward and placing his lips against Deidara's. Yet it was exactly what he did.

The kiss reminded him exactly of their past. It reminded him of everything that he had left behind years ago, but what it failed to remind him of, though it would have been helpful if it had, was the fact that he was in a very _loving_ and _committed _relationship, and not with this man any longer. Though, thankfully, at least for Naruto, Deidara's words whispered against his lips reminded him of the Hyuga he admitted his love for not too long ago, "I love you, Naruto."

His heart clenched, the feeling of guilt because of his betrayal running through him deeply. "Deidara...you need to go..." the younger man made no move to push the elder away from him, though he knew that he should. Naruto simply stood there, staring into the blue eyes that gazed into his own with triumph. "How does he make you feel, Naruto, un?" Deidara completely ignored the almost demand from his lover as he pushed himself closer to Naruto.

Lips trembled slightly and then stopped almost immediately as Naruto realized that he was allowing Deidara to affect him. "...I love him," his answer was tentative. "That's not what I meant, un," Deidara whispered quietly, effectively bringing his lips even closer to the Kyuubi container's as he spoke. Naruto's blue eyes glanced down quickly, seeing how incredibly close they were to kissing once again. "He...he..." his bottom lip quivered as he couldn't finish his sentence; he couldn't even think to speak the rest of it as Deidara's hand let his own go before trailing down the side of his body slowly.

"He can't make you feel like this, can he, un?" Deidara felt the shiver run through the slightly smaller frame and he watched those blue eyes close, knowing all too well that Naruto was trying to push back the pleasure he was feeling. "Dei-Deidara..." there would have been more to that if the man being spoken to didn't place his lips upon the speaker's.

Naruto felt he had no choice but to kiss back once again; his hormones were raging from the simple touches and he couldn't stop himself even though he wanted so badly to. They grabbed for each other at the same time, and both for the same place, just at the base of the others neck so that they could hold one another in place as their kiss began to get more desperate—as they began to get even more desperate to touch every inch of skin they had been deprived of.

"Naruto...?" the curious voice and wiggle of the doorknob that accompanied it made Naruto gasp and pull back from the kiss, though Deidara didn't much care as he just went on kissing his lover's neck, touching upon every sensitive spot that he remembered so well. "Dei..." his voice was just a breathy whisper in the man's ear as he felt Neji knock upon the door once he was sure that it wasn't going to open for him. "Naruto? Are you in there? Open the door," Deidara growled lightly as he bit down on the tan flesh beneath his lips. "That's him, un?" Naruto could only moan softly as he heard the hissing whisper in his ear suddenly.

"Naruto?" they heard Neji's voice sound more irritated than moments ago before he sighed, mumbling something about the blonde man that neither of the blondes could actually hear, not that they cared much to hear it. "...Dei, you...you need..." the elder sighed before he kissed Naruto once again. Naruto kissed him back and seconds later Deidara was gone, but words echoed softly, "I love you, un."

For moments Naruto couldn't move as he slumped against the door, ignoring Neji's calls for him. He couldn't believe what he had just done; he didn't want to believe what he was feeling; he really didn't want to turn around and open the door for his lover. But he did, though slowly. "Finally. I was starting to wonder if something had happened to you," Naruto's eyes lowered for a moment before he forced a smile to appear on his face. "Sorry," he let a nervous laugh slip through his lips, "I laying against the door and wasn't paying attention..."

Neji shrugged lightly, not really caring all that much about it anymore. "I went back by Matsumoto-san's office; you left your jacket." The brunette held out the orange and black material that he was speaking about and Naruto took it, shutting his eyes a moment later in shame as Neji kissed his cheek softly. "The ramen is probably a little cold by now, but that won't bother you, right?" there was a smile on the Hyuga's lips as he asked the question, knowing that even if the food had been sitting out over night it probably wouldn't deter Naruto from eating it.

Naruto forced a short laugh to sound. "Yeah...it's fine," he said the words quietly as he searched the world outside of the house for a moment, hoping that he could see Deidara somewhere, though he knew that the man was probably long gone from the village.

**XxXxXxXxX**

Silence. Pure and horrible silence was all that he could hear as he stared at his sleeping lover who had his back to him. He still couldn't get it out of his mind; the kisses, the heat, everything that he had left behind three years ago, it was all there, torturing his mind with wonderful memories that he wished he didn't have. Slowly, Naruto reached out and placed his hand on Neji's side, feeling the man breathe without hearing a sound from him. _...Dei...why did you have to come back...?_ He felt a little silly for asking such a question; he felt silly for asking it because only days ago he had wanted to see the man so badly. Days ago Naruto had wanted Deidara to come and whisk him away from the village.

After moments more of staring at Neji's back, Naruto closed his eyes, seconds later feeling something against his neck, though he didn't exactly know what since he wasn't paying all that much attention to anything except his thoughts. "Naruto," the voice was quiet in his ear and he hummed lightly, not recognizing it for a moment. He didn't realize who it was until he felt teeth nibble on his earlobe, and he only realized who it was then because only one man knew how doing that exact action turned him on.

Blue eyes snapped open, seeing that Neji was still and asleep. Naruto began to grow worried. If he was truly feeling this then that could only mean... He pulled himself away from the teeth and warm breath that was hitting his ear and turned his head to find, not so much to his surprise, that Deidara was kneeled on the floor, grinning at him lightly. Deidara watched the blue eyes of his lover widen in surprise just before Naruto got up, carefully though so that he wouldn't wake Neji. "Dei! What the _hell_ are you doing here?" he asked the question in a whisper but then shook his head, finding that something more important should be asked, "How the hell did you get in!"

Deidara tilted his head and Naruto's eyes followed it, finding that the window next to his bedside table was open. "I came to see you, un," Deidara answered the first question quietly as he looked around the room, his gaze coming to rest on the sleeping brunette in the bed his lover had just been in. "...I can kill him if you'd like, un," it was simply an offer that Deidara believed Naruto might take him up on, seeing as how they had had such a wonderful reunion earlier. Naruto glared at the bomber before he grabbed his arm and yanked him up, dragging him off to the bathroom a moment later.

"You will not kill him!" Naruto's shout was still whispered even after he closed the door quietly. Deidara frowned slightly before he sighed, shrugging a moment later; at least he had offered. "You need to leave," the words that left Naruto's lips sounded nothing like an order, in fact Deidara smirked when he heard the desperate sounding tone. Naruto didn't want him gone. "I'll leave in a bit, un. Just...let me touch you..."

The younger attempted to glare at his ex-lover when he heard the words, but it turned into a more confused look before Deidara took a step closer to him and made him back up against the door. For a second he wondered how many more times the bomber was going to corner him like this, but then let the thought drift as Deidara reached out and touched his naked chest gently. The elder noticed the flinch that accompanied the touch he gave his lover but ignored it for the most part. "He won't find out, un," he reassured quietly, "I promise."

Naruto stood still, not exactly inviting Deidara to touch him but not turning the man away either. He was simply still against the door as Deidara's hand moved down his torso slowly, coming closer to the hem of his boxers. "Deidara..." he said the man's name in a kind of warning tone and the elder understood, moving his hand back up as he moved closer. "You're less tan than I remember, un," it was the oddest remark that Naruto had ever heard, but coming from Deidara it wasn't totally unexpected. "I haven't been out of the house much..."

Two pairs of blue eyes met when Naruto spoke the words. "...Have you been going on missions, un?" Naruto broke their gaze, "That's none of your business, Dei." Instead of pushing the subject, Deidara nodded, for which Naruto was a bit thankful for. Then, after a single moment of thought, Deidara slipped his arms around Naruto's waist, pulling him close and kissing him gently. "Thank you for this, un." The words surprised the younger for a moment. He couldn't recall a time when he had ever heard Deidara actually say thank you to anyone.

Before Naruto could respond Deidara was gone, leaving the blonde feeling so cold and alone as he backed up against the door and slid down it so that he could plant himself on the floor. His heart ached terribly; his lips longed for the elder blonde's; his body was again beginning to crave the touch of the man that he knew he shouldn't have been seeing. _...Deidara..._ he sighed deeply, bringing his knees up to his chest as he tried to focus his thoughts on Neji, but failed to do so. _...Why did you have to leave?_

**TBC...**

* * *

A/N: Well there you go! Chapter 8! I am so excited about it, though I'm not sure why, I think I just like writing Dei/Naru though... Hmm, anyway, I won't be updating this again until September most likely, so I hope that you have gotten your fill for the moment. If you'd like, review and tell me what you think. Thank you.

If you spot any errors please tell me and I will fix them as soon as possible.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	9. Chapter 9

Hello all! New chapter! I don't think I've been this excited about writing a chapter...in about a week. :) I like this chapter very much and I hope that you all do as well. I think I'll be writing on this an awful lot in the next few months, and I hope to finish this story by the end of the year. So anyways, please enjoy!

Rating: T

Pairings: Deidara/Naruto, Neji/Naruto. (There will be more Neji/Naru soon.)

Warnings: Shonen-ai and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Naruto! I only own Matsumoto Nanami.

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter nine**

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His ears caught a sound, the tiniest rustle that could have been made by the wind, though he doubted it greatly and stopped his movement. Following that slight rustle was silence—silence that he felt was a little too overwhelming because he had been hearing the same silence for days. He had been listening to the silence, hoping for something, some_one _rather, to approach him through the nearly unbearable quiet. Naruto had been hoping so desperately for something that seemed useless now. "Naruto?" the blonde heard his lover speak to him but didn't respond as he stared straight ahead, hoping to hear some sign of the man that had disappeared so suddenly days before. "...Naruto? Are you okay?" Neji's concern was lost on his boyfriend as he turned his head once again to look back behind him to find the Uzumaki standing still in the middle of the path they were walking on through the forest.

Neither man moved as the silence enveloped Naruto tightly, making him want to call out for his ex-lover. He held his urge back and his attention was brought back to Neji when he heard the brunette take steps towards him, crunching leaves beneath his feet and distracting Naruto from the silence. "Hey," Neji's voice was soft as he gazed upon his boyfriend's troubled face, "You okay?" For a moment Naruto bit his lip but then quickly composed himself and began walking toward the elder, acting as if nothing were wrong, just like he had been doing since Deidara appeared in their home. "Yeah," he answered slowly, shaking his head a bit before forcing a tiny smile to reassure his lover, "Just thought I heard something, that's all." Neji accepted the answer with a nod before he turned and began walking ahead of Naruto once again.

One set of blue eyes, angry and horribly terrifying to look into at times, stared glaringly at Neji's back. There was a terrible urge running through the man to simply do away with the brunette now but he knew that his lover would be quite upset with him if he did anything to harm the Hyuga. So he settled for glaring at the younger man for moments before his gaze switched to the man he was, in simple terms, stalking. A small smile graced his lips as he continued to watch the blonde walk on, looking slightly confused, and Deidara could only have half a guess at why but he didn't bother to think about it. If indeed Naruto wanted to see him then the jinchuriki knew how to attract his attention, it wasn't like they had never played this little game before.

Naruto, for seconds, felt quite uncomfortable as he walked behind his lover and quickly turned his head and looked all around him, not being able to find the source of his discomfort anywhere. He couldn't exactly pin the feeling down but he knew that he had felt it before...and he knew that it was something he should have been able to remember easily. "...Neji..." he spoke the brunette's name carefully and quietly, feeling that he had no choice but to. Neji stopped and looked back at Naruto, placing a hand on the younger's chest to stop him when he nearly bumped into Neji. "...Do you...feel odd?" Lavender eyes looked into blue a little confused. "How do you mean?" Naruto quickly shook his head, for a moment thinking that he should drop it right now but he didn't.

"Odd... You know, _odd_..." a brown eyebrow was raised just slightly when he heard the utter nonsense the blonde was saying. "Do you care to elaborate?" Naruto sighed, shaking his head once again just a second later before moving, coming to stand next to the elder man. "Never mind, it's nothing..." Neji stood there, a little concerned and interested, but he shrugged and placed his arm around his lover's shoulders, guiding him on down the path once again. The smirk from the man within the trees went completely unnoticed by the both of them.

**XxXxXxXxX**

The sound came once more, hours after it had been heard the first time, and once again Naruto heard it; his ears twitched just slightly when the small rustle met them. It was again followed by silence, a silence that was not broken this time by his lover because the man was asleep beside him on the ground. Naruto didn't open his eyes and didn't move an inch as he attempted to find where the sound had come from and just why it was so familiar.

Silence met the blonde on his quest for an answer—silence that he couldn't stand any longer. He opened his eyes, feeling disturbed. For so long he had been kept off missions because of his mental state, so was this all just a trick from his mind, trying to tell him that he wasn't ready at all to go back out and try to lead a normal life once again? Naruto's eyes scanned the grass they happened to be laying upon before he sighed and closed his eyes once again, only to open them half a second later and get up quietly so that he wouldn't wake Neji.

Hesitant steps were taken by the young man as he moved away from his slumbering lover slowly, hoping that he wasn't going to get swept away by some unknown assassin, or something of that likeness. Minutes after he had gotten up he was on the complete opposite side of the clearing, turning around after a second to look back at Neji while he listened for any sound that could help him identify where the rustle had sounded from. There was only silence. Only silence for minutes as Naruto stood there completely still.

Suddenly, his ears twitched as he heard the rustle again, turning his head toward the forest that surrounded them. And again it sounded, a little closer, and then again. Naruto could hear his heart beating violently in his chest as his blood ran cold. For some peculiar reason...he was completely terrified. "...Is...someone there?" no answer met him, though he had assumed that that would be the response in the first place. "Hello?" his whisper echoed quietly around him, as did the rustle that answered in the most friendly manner that a sound could. White teeth grabbed onto a pink lip and gnawed it for seconds before Naruto decided to be brave and take a step more away from his lover, just so that he could figure out where this sound was coming from exactly.

One step turned into five as the tiny rustle lured him into the trees and away from the only form of protection that he currently had, since he no longer had any faith in himself. Those five steps turned into twenty before Naruto completely stopped, looking around at his surroundings yet finding nothing out of the ordinary. He stood, his blue eyes on the ground, and he trembled. The need to cry grabbed him but he shoved it away before turning around, utterly set on going back to his boyfriend and sleeping once more. Before he could take a step though Naruto was frozen, feeling so foolish that he couldn't move any longer.

Why had he thought of it? It was stupid to even think that the man would have continued with his same behavior from years ago. Deidara knew better...didn't he? Naruto had to wonder if the elder blonde could accept that their time was over; he had to wonder if Deidara had actually left the village. "...Dei..." it was nearly a whisper, "...are you..._here_...?" something in his tone was desperate but he didn't recognize it since he was focused on the man he knew wasn't there.

A laugh broke from the blonde standing alone as he thought himself stupid for thinking—hoping that Deidara would appear and make him feel at ease. The soft laugh that left the young man stopped quickly as he really began to think about it. Now he was remembering why this all seemed so familiar, and that was because it actually _was _familiar. Though it had happened years ago, he could remember it all the same and it caused a smile to cross over his lips before he shook his head. Naruto knew this was probably going to be the most foolish thing he had done since kissing Deidara back all those days ago, but...he had to try.

If indeed Deidara was somewhere in the trees, watching him intently like he had done when he had been training with Jiraiya, then Naruto knew just what he needed to do. Slowly, the blonde moved his hand until it came in contact with the hem of his shirt, lifting it up just slightly to expose the smallest sliver of his tan abdomen, remembering how it had always turned Deidara on whenever the man could see the smallest amount of his usually covered skin.

If there had been a part of Naruto which was not expecting the bomber to show at all, it must have been very disappointed when the man wrapped his arms around the younger's waist tightly from behind. "...I've been waiting so long, un." A sigh of relief almost left the jinchuriki as he relaxed into Deidara's embrace, letting his hand move to touch the bomber's. "Why are you doing this, Dei?" he didn't sound angry or anything akin to it, just deeply relieved that he was again in the man's arms, though he knew that he shouldn't have been feeling that way at all. "I've told you, Naruto, un. I'm not leaving without you." Soft lips came in contact with skin and Naruto had to bite his lip to hold back his groan as he felt the feelings flood his body; the feelings that told him that this was dangerous but that also whispered that they didn't really care because it felt too good.

"...Dei...we can't do this, not here; not anymore..." the words were forced from his lips while Deidara's hands moved lower and slipped underneath his shirt. "Why not, un?" blue eyes closed as the man felt his ex-lover touch his body almost carefully. "I-I... I have someone else now..." for the life of him he couldn't understand why he sounded so...weak and vulnerable. "I really don't care right now, un. I want to touch you, Naruto; I need to feel you, un. It's been too long." The whisper caused the man to tremble just slightly while moaning quietly as Deidara bit down on his skin. "I love you, Naruto, and even though you've been denying it, I know you still love me, un."

There was a small, _tiny_, part of Naruto that wanted to agree with the man, but that tiny part was quickly pushed away as the majority of his senses kicked him, making him pull away from the man that knew just how to touch him to make him melt. Deidara, though, didn't want Naruto to leave his arms just yet and so when the younger pulled away the bomber grabbed him again quickly and pinned him to the tree they were near, remembering how he had done the same exact things so many times before. Naruto's body, for just a moment tensed up, feeling a horrible, overwhelming pleasure course through him as Deidara pressed himself closer against his body. "Don't tell me that you don't want this; don't make excuses because of your lover, un. I don't want to hear any of it." The Akatsuki member leaned down and placed his lips against Naruto's gently. "I simply want to hear you cry out for more, un."

The words caused him to shake as his eyes closed. He could remember just how Deidara had caused him to scream out in ecstasy; he could remember how Deidara used to kiss him; he could remember the way the man used to dominate him. Two of which he was still currently doing, and, for a few moments, Naruto couldn't exactly understand just why he was pulling the elder closer to him and kissing him back like his life depended on the man's lips. "D-Dei," he panted out his ex-lover's name quietly as he felt lips against his ear, smirking and kissing and causing Naruto to grasp onto him tighter. "Tell me," the low and almost husky whisper caused the Kyuubi container to moan softly into Deidara's ear. "How badly do you want me, Naruto, un?" the one being spoken to bit his lip harshly and squeezed his eyes shut, pushing away his desire unsuccessfully.

"Deidara...what we had..." Naruto paused as his breath caught because of Deidara gentle rocking against his body, making the younger become acutely aware of just how much the bomber wanted him. For moments the shorter of the two blondes was silent and still, but finally he forced himself to take a breath, though he didn't push Deidara away from him. "What we had... It's o-over; it has been for—Ah," he had to stop himself from calling out the Akatsuki members name as Deidara reached down and began to touch him. "It will never be over, Naruto, un. Not as long as you love me, or want me, or dream about me, un." Finally, sense came back to Naruto once again and he grabbed Deidara's roaming hand tightly in his own. "Understand this now, Deidara," his voice was weak still, but held firmness in it, "I do not love you; I do not want you, and I haven't dreamt about you since I left you." The last was a lie, really all of it was a lie.

Deidara stood in a quiet half shock, looking down at the man he loved with a smirk on his face, not really believing for a moment the words he had heard so confidently spoken. "Then explain to me, Naruto, un," the man paused as he moved his lips to wander too close to Naruto's, at least for the younger's liking at the moment. "If you don't love me, if you really believe that you don't want me, then just why haven't you pushed me away, un?" Naruto's eyes traveled down to the ground as he found that he couldn't speak the answer at the moment. Deidara's eyes narrowed as a smile spread across his lips and the silence continued to stretch between them.

He leaned forward slowly, brushing their lips together as he began to speak softly, though his words got no further than a thought as they both heard sudden rustling from behind. Deidara's head spun around quickly, just a bit before his body moved to stand protectively in front of his lover. "...Naruto?" the blonde being called for looked out from behind Deidara's shoulder. "Dei..." he said the man's name the same way he had three years ago whenever Jiraiya was coming near them. Deidara turned around and brought his lips down upon Naruto's before he vanished.

"Naru...oh, there you are. What are you doing out here?" Naruto's mouth opened slowly when he heard the question but then he closed it before rushing over to his half awake lover. Neji didn't have a moment in which he could convey his shock as Naruto's lips were suddenly on his in a desperate kiss. Before Neji could even think about kissing the blonde back though, Naruto was pushing him away and smiling softly. "I thought I heard something, that's all," he said quietly, acting innocent as he slowly pushed the Hyuga back in the direction of their camp. Neji turned and began walking off without much of a fight, mostly because he was in half a dazed state because of Naruto's sudden kiss, and the jinchuriki lagged behind.

Once Neji was far enough off Naruto stopped mid-step and turned his head around so that he could look at the trees, knowing that Deidara was sure to be watching him. "It's over, Deidara," his words were a whisper as his eyes scanned the green of the trees, "I don't want to see you anymore." Deidara smirked as Naruto turned and walked away, not fooled for a moment by the half-hearted words. Naruto wanted him; Naruto needed him; Naruto missed him. The smirk on the man's face turned into a smile as he thought. He knew he would do whatever he had to in order to take his lover back.

**TBC...**

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A/N: Omg! I so didn't expect to get this chapter written so quickly, and while away at that, but I had such an urge to write this and didn't want to wait. I promise, Neji/Naru fans, that there will be more of the pairing...next chapter or so I believe. I've just been so hooked on the Dei/Naru lately though. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you could review and tell me what you think then I would be so happy! Thank you.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	10. Chapter 10

OOOOH! Hello everyone! I'm so excited to be finally posting this chapter! This is the big turning point in the story, adds a bunch of mystery and pretty much turns everything quite dark. I had been thinking about making it take this turn for a while now but I only decided to do it a month or so ago. Because really it could have gone either way and still stuck with the summary, but it will turn out so much better this way. So I hope that you all enjoy this chapter!

Rating: T

Pairings: Deidara/Naruto, Neji/Naruto (I'm pretty sure that Deidara won't be showing up in chapter 11 so it'll pretty much be a Neji/Naru chapter.)

Warnings: Shonen-ai is pretty much all right now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto at all, but I do own Matsumoto Nanami!

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter ten**

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"Deidara..." the name tasted horrible in his mouth, almost like he was tasting his own vomit. He could feel the disgust that echoed in his body just because of the man's name. To even think about the man himself made him want to leave the room so that he could get some fresh air. Deidara made him sick. But not only did Deidara make him sick but he made himself sick as well. "What about him, Naruto?" he could hear Nanami's question but couldn't bring himself to immediately respond. He was just too absorbed by his thoughts.

He couldn't actually believe that he had done it; he really didn't even want to think about the horrible events that had passed since he and Neji had returned from their mission days ago. Naruto was simply finding himself more and more repulsed with his thoughts and actions that had finally led up to this meeting so that he could get some kind of guidance. "Naruto..." Nanami's voice was hesitant, wanting to break the silence that her patient had created so that they could get down to whatever problem he seemed to be having. "I did something, Nanami..." Naruto's voice was rough, weighed down with his repressed emotions about this entire matter.

Nanami adopted a concerned look, "What is it? Did something happen with Neji?" Naruto was still for a moment before he shook his head, after a moment nodding before quickly shaking his head again just before he sighed exasperatedly and lowered his head into his hands. "Nothing happened with him...but he is involved indirectly I guess..." Part of Naruto was beginning to think that coming here had been a bad idea. "What happened, Naruto?" her voice was so kind that he grimaced, tasting his disgust once again. He didn't deserve her kindness nor her caring; what he deserved was to be punished for the crime he had committed against his lover.

"...Neji..." it was all that she caught of his mumble as his fingers gripped his blonde locks tightly, she noticed that it looked like Naruto wanted to pull his hair right out. "What was that?" Nanami watched as Naruto's fingers tightened even more as his entire body tensed up, this only caused her to become more concerned than before. "...I cheated on Neji..." his voice was still low, barely a whisper, but this time she could hear his words and they shocked her so deeply that she seemed impassive.

Silence enveloped them for minutes as Nanami ran the words in her mind time and time again. She couldn't really believe what he had just said, though she knew that she had no reason to think Naruto was lying to her, especially about something like this. "...Who Naruto?" seconds after she asked the question she found herself almost recoiling into her chair from the obvious answer. _No...he couldn't...not now...not...again..._ She wanted to believe that she was just thinking incorrectly but she knew entirely too well that she was right on the money.

Naruto shook as he sat in his usual spot, forcefully holding back his tears by biting his lip, not noticing at all the blood that filled his mouth slowly nor the little dribble of the red substance that was beginning to trickle from the side of his mouth. "...Naruto...you didn't..." it was said in a near pleading tone. "Please...tell me that you didn't..." though he wanted to do as she asked he couldn't speak, and Naruto knew that his silence spoke volumes.

The sigh that left her in such an exasperated and disapproving manner just made the Kyuubi container feel even worse. "He came back..." finally he spoke in a whisper, swallowing thickly and recognizing subconsciously the metallic tang of his own blood but not really understanding just why the taste was there. "He came back for me..." Nanami could only watch him from her chair as she took off her glasses and set them aside, on top of her forgotten notebook. After a moment she stood up slowly and moved so that she could sit next to him. "Naruto..." the bluenette placed her hand on his shoulder like she had done many times in the past, making the blonde jump just slightly before his hands fell to rest between his spread knees.

"I didn't mean for anything to happen... I love Neji..." it sounded like he was now trying to convince himself of it. "I wish he hadn't come for me..." Nanami could almost feel pity for her patient and hugged him, completely expecting the lack of reaction on his part. Naruto shook his head before he pulled himself up off of the couch and out of her embrace. "Thanks for listening..." he said quietly as he began walking toward the door, wanting to get out now before the conversation went on further and he heard the guidance that he no longer wanted. "Naruto," she stood up and followed him slowly, "if he makes contact with you again...call me." He nodded once before walking out the door without another word.

Nanami stood still for a moment before she walked over to the window that she sometimes found herself watching Naruto from when he left her office. For a little while she only stared out at the road and trees but then she saw the form of her friend walking slowly in the direction of his home. She sighed as she watched him and shook her head, "Please, Naruto...don't make us do this..." she knew that her plea was most likely in vain no matter how much she prayed.

**XxXxXxXxX**

He knew he was a horrible person for this, he truly did, but it didn't stop him for even a moment as his lips once again found Deidara's as they moved closer and closer to the bed that they had been finding themselves on almost daily since Naruto and Neji had returned from their mission. "This is wrong, Dei..." it wasn't the first time that Deidara had heard that so he only chuckled and rolled his eyes before kissing Naruto gently. "What happened to your lip, un?" he asked, not responding to the statement that had been made seconds before. Naruto looked down like he was attempting to look at his lips to see what was wrong but after a moment he simply ran his tongue over the pink flesh, feeling the gashes that his teeth had left not long ago. He shrugged nonchalantly before bringing his marred lips to mesh with his lover's perfect ones.

"If it's so wrong," Deidara began, finally getting around to saying something, "then why don't you push me away, un?" there was no answer to that nor any attempt to push the Akatsuki member away as Deidara laid them both down on the bed, shaking his head in an amused manner at Naruto. "...We shouldn't be doing this here," Naruto finally whispered as the elder's lips found their way down his neck and to his chest. No attempted response came from Deidara as he was too focused on what he was currently doing to even worry about the things that Naruto constantly said whenever they found themselves alone together. "I really..." Naruto's voice was weak, "I really think that...we should stop seeing each other..." those were the words that caused Deidara to look up at Naruto for a moment with his eyes narrowed slightly, but just seconds later he was back to stripping the clothing off his lover as if nothing had been said.

"I want you to leave with me, Naruto, un," it was the first thing that Deidara had said in nearly five minutes, which was a bit unusual for him. Naruto looked at the man hesitantly, not wanting to respond to his words, but knowing that he would have to. "Dei..." his blue eyes found themselves looking at the man's chest instead of his eyes, "...I can't..." A sigh found its way out between Deidara's parted lips as he looked down at Naruto disapprovingly. "_I can't_ leave here without you, un," Naruto didn't speak. "I can kill him," finally blue eyes were locked together as Naruto glared at his lover angrily for suggesting the same thing for the fourth time. "Then you won't have any reason to stay here, un."

Deidara was only trying to be helpful in his own twisted way, Naruto knew that and was...sort of touched by the caring that the man conveyed the only way he knew how, with violence. "I have friends here, Deidara," the man nearly flinched back when he heard the entirety of his name leave the young blonde's lips in hatred, but ended up only shrugging in an uncaring manner as he smirked. "I can kill them too, un," Naruto's glare only became sharper after hearing those words leave the Akatsuki bomber. "If you kill anyone, Deidara," Naruto began in a threatening whisper, reaching up as he spoke to grip Deidara's bicep tightly, "I will _never_ go _anywhere_ with you."

Deidara nodded with his eyes downcast as the message got through to him quite clearly. "I love you, un," he whispered out, quickly forgetting everything that had just been said. Naruto didn't return the words which only caused the elder to sigh before he leaned down and kissed the jinchuriki softly. "You don't have to say it but I know that you feel the same, un."

"I'm home," Naruto's eyes widened when he heard Neji's sudden call from downstairs. His eyes glanced at the door momentarily before switching quickly to Deidara, panic in his gaze. Deidara only smirked before he leaned down and kissed Naruto once again, not disappearing like the younger expected, and was hoping for, but only continued to carry on what he had been doing before all the conversation began between them. "Dei..." his name was said impatiently as Naruto heard Neji's light footfalls coming up the stairs and down the hall toward their room. "Why do you care if he sees us, un?"

"I can't go through this with you right now, Deidara!" Naruto was exasperated, "Just..._go_!" He began to get more and more desperate as he heard Neji get closer and came to the realization that Deidara wasn't going to be leaving. Finally, he found the strength to shove Deidara away from him just as the door began to open. A disappointed Akatsuki member sighed and shook his head at his lover, smiling just a second later and disappearing just as the door swung open. Naruto heaved a sigh of relief, getting a raised eyebrow in response from his lover who was smiling at him from the doorway. Neji's smile only lasted for a brief moment as he began taking in the man's appearance, "...Were you hoping for someone else?" he asked jokingly.

Naruto was frozen for a good couple of moments, just simply staring at the brunette from the bed. They both continued to watch one another in silence before Neji smiled again and walked over to his very eager looking lover. "If you were so interested then you could've called; I would've gotten home much quicker," Naruto glanced around him quickly, finding air beside him and so gave Neji a confused look, wondering just why the man was saying such things to him. After a short second he realized where Neji was looking and gave himself a quick glance as well, his eyes widened slightly as he blushed. "I—ah—uh...Neji...I—" Naruto couldn't really get out a word, much less a sentence as the Hyuga got closer to him, finally getting onto the bed and taking up his dominative roll. "...Um...Neji?" Neji just smiled down at Naruto before connecting their lips in a kiss.

The kiss was quick, mostly because Naruto pushed away the brunette. Neji's eyes narrowed just slightly in concern and he opened his mouth to question Naruto, yet his words never got the chance to leave him as the phone rang. Both men looked over at the small ringing device before looking back at each other. Naruto urged him with a look to pick up the phone and Neji sighed and reached over, keeping in mind to ask Naruto about what was the matter once this call was finished. "Hello?"

"Neji, it's Nanami..."

"Oh, well Naruto's rig—"

"No, Neji, I need to talk to you." Neji's eyes narrowed and he sat up, resting on his heals, Naruto watching him carefully with a slightly puzzled look. "Okay then..." he heard the sigh that Nanami emitted form the other end of the line and got concerned. It was already extremely unusual that she would call them, but for her to call and want to speak with him...well Neji knew that it could probably only mean one thing. "We've come across a problem..." he didn't want to heard that. Not now...not again.

He didn't make a move to speak, he wanted to hear Nanami speak further, "it seems that he is losing the battle once again..." This time Neji sighed and looked down at Naruto for a quick second, "Don't tell me that. I need to know that everything is going to turn out better this time..." he said it even though he knew it wouldn't make a difference. Facts were facts. Nanami was silent for a moment and Neji already knew what was coming next, "In the morning meet in Hokage-sama's office... The details need to be sorted out..." Neji didn't lower the phone after she hung up without saying goodbye; he only sat there, paralyzed and staring into the curious eyes of his lover.

"Neji, is everyone okay? Who's on the phone?" lavender eyes closed before Neji let his hand drop, coming to fall at his side limply. Naruto jumped when the phone crashed to the floor and the battery pack popped out of it but he kept himself together and sat up when Neji got off of the bed and began walking back to the door he had walked in only minutes before. "...Neji...?" the elder didn't respond to his lover as he left the room and Naruto didn't make any move to go after him.

_Naruto... I can't do this anymore..._

**TBC...**

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A/N: And there is chapter 10! Can't wait for 11, can you? ;) Well it'll be up very soon probably, I'm gonna get started on it today sometime so I think it should be up within the next couple weeks. And sadly, we are going to be at the end of this story soon. Not sure when but I know that it'll probably be somewhere between 13 and 17 chapters in all. This story will not be more than 20 chapters. So anyway, please review and let me know what you think! And to all those that voted on the poll, thank you so much! :D And thank you all so much for reading!

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	11. Chapter 11

Holy fuck! I am so terribly sorry that this took as long as it did to get out. Things in my life have been extremely bad lately, so I've mostly lost my muse to write, which is why it will still probably be awhile yet before a lot of my other stories are updated, or for that matter written on. But I've been killing myself to get this out because I know how I'm doing the rest of the chapters and it's been killing me that I haven't finished yet. This chapter was originally meant to be A LOT longer, but because I didn't want a longer wait on you all and because I kind of couldn't figure out how to get to the next part...I decided that this was good enough for now. So again, I apologize, and without further delay, enjoy.

Rating: T

Pairings: Neji/Naruto, Deidara/Naruto

Warnings: Ah, some shonen-ai and the usual.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way, shape or form, but I do own Matsumoto Nanami.

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter eleven**

* * *

Their lips gravitated together tentatively, so uncertainly that Neji actually began to shy away because of the consequence of embarrassment that the action seemed to create. Fingers brushed against his cheek though and his eyes fluttered in humiliation, but Naruto sent him a smile that was so terribly gentle and comforting that Neji couldn't doubt that he had expected his reaction. And when their lips met nanoseconds later, hesitance gone, at least on Naruto's part, the fireworks were instantaneous. Regardless was the fact that the kiss was so sweet and too incredibly innocent; it sent a tremor through his entire body, curling his toes and relaxing his muscles, yet at the same time making his blood boil and his mind melt.

They parted rather suddenly; Neji couldn't tell if he had pushed Naruto away or if they had simply broken apart mutually. Neji blushed profusely, feeling it warm his entire body further. It was rather out of character for his normally stoic demeanor, but it was glaringly obvious that he couldn't retain that reputation around Naruto. At the moment though, he really couldn't have cared less about that; his pale eyes stared intently at the slight space that rested between their bodies, charged with an undeniable energy that he wanted to possess within him again, if only for a moment.

Instead though, Neji only raised his right hand up and ghosted his index and middle fingers across his lips, afraid that if he actually put pressure against his flesh then the beautiful sensations lingering beneath his skin would leave him. His eyes, for a short moment, flicked up so that he could glance at Naruto, who was smiling at him with his head cocked to the side. From just the expression on the younger's face, Neji gained a small amount of confidence and placed his fingers more firmly against his lips as he held his gaze firm with Naruto's.

"...Wow..."

Neji felt so ridiculous, sounding so dumbfounded whispering out that one syllable—the only word that he could articulate properly at the moment; the only sound that could accurately explain, even in the simplest of ways, just how that kiss had made him feel so...so...wonderfully discomforted. Nearly like he had just experienced an orgasm while a fiery hot brand pressed against every inch of flesh on his body.

Naruto let out a chuckle at his slight noise, and Neji's stomach fluttered, the realization hitting him hard in the gut only seconds later as their lips met again. He was happy; he felt, though terribly cliched, complete—truly...whole. He found what he had been lacking. He had fallen, with that one delicate touch, flat on his face in love.

Naruto had brutally ripped the heart from his chest, and in result, Neji stood steadfastly by his side only three days later when that corpse had been found in the forest. And as each devastatingly convincing scrap of evidence came forth, Neji adamantly denied that Naruto was involved in any sort of way.

All because he had fallen.

And, God, had he _fallen_—fallen so hard and too fast that he hadn't a moment to catch his breath. He had fallen so _stupidly_ in love with a man, whom even then, had been damaged beyond the greatest means they had to help. Naruto had been, even then, completely past hope.

But he'd been ignorant to that, and he had found himself so lost—so blinded by his love, that by time he had found out just what truth lay hidden beneath Naruto's fair skin...he'd been powerless.

He had been powerless then and he was even more so now. Those three days had turned into three _years_ and now...he just simply..._couldn't_.

Neji felt, more than heard, the tear fall and hit the dining table that he'd been sitting at since he'd walked away from Naruto. Absentmindedly, he wiped at the salty liquid, attempting unconsciously to erase any sort of indication that he was crying. It was blatantly obvious though that his attempt was sorely in vain; a second tear fell where the first had been wiped from, and a third followed after that.

Tilting his head back, Neji hoped that the fluid would recede to wherever it had originated from; he hated crying. Loathed it almost as much as he did leaving Naruto alone, and yet he sat, slowly coaxing himself to get up, change his clothes and leave. But as the darkness was chased from the house by the coming dawn, Neji was finding it increasingly difficult to do so.

_We've come across a problem..._

No, not difficult. _Impossible_. He could _not_ do this. He was not _prepared_ to do this. He had never been _willing_ to do this.

_I love you, Naruto._

God, he loved him too much to even _imagine_ doing this. He'd sacrifice anything—anyone, if he could just avoid this. In fact, he already had. So did Naruto even realize just how much he meant to him? Did Naruto understand how he had simply thrown away his entire life for him? _Only_ for him; _always_ for _him_.

_I know._

No, he didn't. Of course he didn't, or more simply, he _couldn't_. And Neji had begun to acknowledge the harsh reality that Naruto had never felt an inclination to understand the unadulterated honesty of his feelings.

_I don't deserve you, Neji._

And as of late, that truth had become only more apparent. But Naruto needed him too much; relied on his array of skills to such a degree that Neji was fairly certain that the blonde wouldn't be able to function without him. At least that was what Neji had fooled himself into believing.

_...I want to learn to love you, Neji._

...It wasn't the truth though. No. _He_ needed Naruto; _he_ relied too heavily on the knowledge that he could return home and spend time with his lover, even if Naruto didn't seem to be present when they were together. _He_ wanted to hang on to that feeling he had possessed so long ago. That burning—that _passion_.

_Neji, I realized, I need you..._

Dawn reached further into the house, drawing Neji's attention long enough for the haunting echoes to slip away. Tilting his head forward slowly, he turned his gaze to the windows, squinting his eyes as sun beams happened through the glass at just the right angle to blind him momentarily. Neji stood from his chair slowly, rubbing at his eyes to reduce the sting from the sudden onslaught of sunlight that had decided to fraternize with the tears that had dried roughly in the corners of his eyes sometime in the last... Neji shrugged; it wasn't important. And now that he was up it was a good a time as any to get himself ready and leave.

Making a poor attempt at haste, Neji forced himself up the stairs, curling his body around the banister once the ascent ended before moving sluggishly toward the bedroom. Only to stop himself as he peaked into the open doorway, leaning back against the stained wood as his eyes danced across the figure opposite him.

Naruto lay sprawled across the bed, at a completely curious angle. His left arm propped up with help of the headboard, bent at the elbow so that his wrist rested against his forehead and the back of his hand covered his eye. His right arm thrown across his stomach in a haphazard way; legs bent, the left crossed over the opposite, keeping the right in a nearly vertical position.

Had quiet snores not been emanating from the younger man, Neji would have believed him only relaxing; perhaps sleepless, hoping every second that the next would be the moment that he walked back into the room bearing explanation for his sudden departure hours before.

Lavender eyes plunged instantly to the floor, Neji shaking the thoughts from his mind. Of course Naruto wouldn't be waiting up all night for him to return to bed; the man had probably gone straight to sleep after he disappeared from the doorway. But he could hope... He _had_ hoped.

Perhaps he had clung to that hope too desperately though.

"...Nnh-ji?" his head rocketed upward at the soft call, eyes immediately searching out the doorway just feet away from him. Neji didn't know just what he was expecting as he glanced into the sun-tinted room. Perhaps it was to see those incredibly blue eyes looking at him sleepily; maybe a smile blossoming on the beautiful face while the man slept, dreaming of him even. Though he doubted that it was what he actually witnessed.

Naruto tossed onto his side almost violently; his eyes squashed shut and mouth wrenched open, face contorted grotesquely as his muted scream shredded through Neji's mind. The scene before his eyes flashed away suddenly, replaced by a memory long locked away.

Black. Everything around him obscured by inky nothingness, but he couldn't leave; they wouldn't let him leave, their only explanation being that he needed to hear the truth. That his eyes needed to be opened to the reality just as much as—"Nne...ji..."—he heard the reverberating _thwack_ followed immediately by a scream—that scream—_Naruto's_ _scream_. He raced forward in the darkness, raising his fists to pound on the thick glass separating him from his lover's tormentor; "_Naruto!_" Hands grabbed his forearms—four pairs of hands; thirty-eight cold fingers, biting into his skin, pulling him into the air as he kicked and screamed like a child for Ibiki to leave Naruto alone.

"Nn...Neh...ji..." Neji opened his eyes at the call, perplexed for only a moment when he became aware that he was kneeling at the foot of his bed, face-to-face with his lover, warm breath ghosting across his lips. "Shh, shh, Naruto..." his quiet murmur was muffled slightly as he pressed his forehead against Naruto's neck, laying a gentle kiss upon the man's frantic pulse, a frown creasing his features as he pushed the fringe away from Naruto's forehead, feeling the slick sweat from his palm.

"...No... Ne...ji..." Neji pulled himself away from Naruto at the pleading tone, watching as those unbelievable eyes opened, unfocused but staring directly at him. "...Plea...se..." Naruto's lips twitched, forming a frown for only an instant; Neji reached out slowly, letting his hand land gently—"Don't..." withdrawing his touch immediately at the quiet command. Neji leaned forward, concern crashing over him. "You're okay, Naruto; it was only—"

"...hurt him..."

"—a dream."

Incomprehensible whispers rang faintly following the simultaneity, lost to Neji within the microsecond it took for his brain to acknowledge the words that his lover spoke. Legs moving of their own accord, Neji crawled just centimeters closer, lips parting with intent to question his lover. A hand, though, stopped him, more specifically: Naruto's hand stopped him. The tan flesh moved slowly, but came to caress his cheek.

"...Promise..."

Previous question stripped from his mind momentarily, Neji lifted his hand up to rest over Naruto's carefully, confused slightly by the oddity of the instruction. What did Naruto need him to promise?

"Don't...hurt him..."

"...Hurt whom, Naruto?" Neji inquired lightly, leaning downward slowly as Naruto's hand coaxed him closer. "..._Promise_..." Neji smiled softly, wanting nothing more than to ease the desperately frightened look in his lover's eyes. So, intent only on satisfying the man's adamant nature, Neji proceeded to do a rather inadequate imitation of a fish, the vow he had wanted to speak unable to pass from the realm of his thoughts.

"...Na-Naru..."

Neji's breath caught as long fingers crawled towards the nape of his neck, twisting gently in his hair and pulling him down purposefully, his body slackened against the sudden imploring contact. Less than a second later, Neji found himself a mere millimeter away from kissing Naruto, who looked at him through heavy eyes, some indescribable emotion written within the obscured depths. The air mingling between them grew warmer as an inaudible chuckle escaped the blonde, drawing from him a faint smile while those blue eyes vanished from his sight. "I...love you..."

"...Naruto..." Neji opted for the simple whisper, not knowing exactly how to react to the sudden confession, but letting his eyelids flutter closed at the sensation of those smiling lips ghosting teasingly against his own. "Dei..."

That was... _That_...was not his name...

Neji paused.

Dei.

...Dei?

It took a good five seconds—_...Dei..._—before Neji's heart decided to interrupt his thoughts, curling in on itself at the disgusting reality. Dei... Dei_dara_. It was the only possibility... Deidara had _always_ been the _only_ possibility. The confirmation hurt just like every time before—stinging, aching, _throbbing_—_lacerating_ every last hope he had so stupidly clung to, reaching inside his chest and prodding at his fragmented excuse for a heart as if to remind him of how he had brought this upon himself.

_I realized while you were gone, Neji... That I love you..._

"...Naruto..." Neji's lip trembled, the name leaving him hesitantly as he brushed his finger pads against Naruto's cheek softly. "...It's—Naruto..." the statement was broken by a quiet sob. Neji drew his hand away from the man, placing it against his lips to quell the tremor taking over his body. "...Don't you remember?" he knew it was irrational asking such a thing; the response, though never coming from the blonde himself, was undoubtedly the same as every year before.

_...I love you..._

Emotion seized Neji savagely by the throat as a smile made its way upon his face. Pitiful. Strained. _Defeated_. But it stretched across his lips disturbingly as he stared down, unseeing, at the man upon the bed covers. "...No..." the dam which held his tears at bay began to splinter; the word which left him seemed to almost not exist.

But his mind repeated it ceaselessly, driving him to the point of insanity within a single moment as the solitary word finally sunk into his core. _No_. _No_. _No—_

_Kill him,_ the thought was sudden, chilling...not his own but cutting through him—cutting through every echo like a freshly sharpened blade would slice through flesh as if it were air. Kill him? Kill... His eyes focused on the man laid out before him. So innocent, so exposed, so beautiful... So..._vulnerable_... Kill...

...Kill? Kill...Naruto?

_You've killed men before..._ Indeed, he had...but Naruto... Naruto... _Naruto_... Neji shuddered.

Three years of falling further and more deeply in love with a man who couldn't even remember... Neji sighed; his hand twitched impatiently.

Three years of failure. Three years of extensions. Three years of hoping—of cursing himself. _Kill him._

Three years...and now...

And now...he couldn't do anything else. He no longer held any sway in this village, defending his lover had cost him dearly. His name, his career, his life. He had given, quite truthfully, _everything_ for this man, and for what? What did he even end up accomplishing?

Nothing.

Nothing at all. And yet...

Simply because of his foolishness—_carelessness_. Simply because of his _love—_a love that had never, not even for one moment, been returned. Simply because of this he would do it all again in an instant.

But now his love, his longing, his devotion mattered not. Nothing could save them any longer. Every resource had been long exhausted, every favor called upon. Now he was left with the hollow knowledge that he would no longer be able to look at his lover—look into those brightly shinning blue orbs which he cherished beyond all else. He would no longer be able to fool himself into thinking that it was all okay—that they would be okay—that _Naruto_ would be _okay_.

Nothing would be okay...

And the thought echoed hauntingly:

_Kill him._

**TBC...**

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A/N: Okay! Finally! Like I said, this was supposed to be a lot longer, so I apologize about the shortness...but I think this chapter is pretty damn good, and it is my favorite, by far, up to this point. I am hoping that you all review, because they really do make me feel like writing, because it makes me aware that there are some fans out there that want to read this!

And, if I'm taking too long to update or you just wanna...talk or whatever :), please feel free to PM me or email me even. I am always, ALWAYS, looking forward to making new friends or helping people. Thank you all for reading this, hopefully the next chapter won't take so long to come out!

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	12. Chapter 12

Hi all, first update to this story in the new year. It comes with a lot really because it is a turning point in the story. There will only be 2 more chapters and then I'll be saying goodbye to this, which will be sad, because I've grown to love this story very much. So please, enjoy the chapter and Happy Late Valetine's Day everyone.

Rating: T

Pairings: Neji/Naruto, implied Deidara/Naruto

Warnings: Just depressing stuff really.

Disclaimer: While I do not own Naruto, I do own Matsumoto Nanami and Nakae Eizan.

I'd just like for everyone to know a little more background that this chapter brings up. It's 3 years after the timeskip between Naruto and Shippuden, as we all know, so Konoha was destroyed by Pain, but has, in the years past, been rebuilt. Danzo is no longer a problem because he's dead, though not because he was killed. Nakae Eizan, who might be touched on again later, was Naruto's first therapist, who was teaching Nanami.

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter twelve**

* * *

"_Upon the end of my meeting today with the council I've nothing good to report concerning patient 01837…"_

Nakae Eizan's deep voice resounded through the room.

"_They're going to kill him…"_

Nanami looked up after hearing those words, placing her predecessor's files she'd been looking through beside her, paying all her attention to the tape recorder on the table before her instead.

"_They've become convinced it's the only way to deal with him… They feel they must continue to tell me that what he's done, while commendable on some level, is not acceptable, and Danzo insists that he's a danger… "A danger which must be dealt with appropriately," were his exact words._

"_And while I understand their concern, I cannot bring myself to agree with the course of action they've chosen… He's been an asset to this village; without him we wouldn't…_I_ would not be here, none of us would be… They have, or should I say _Danzo _has overlooked this and is refusing to listen to my words of reason. All he has done is repeat what we are all aware of, that the attack was not provoked, and as he said to us all, "To attack without provocation makes him unstable…a threat," though I do not agree with his words._

"_The Elders, though, seem to now believe what Danzo says, that he'll attack again if allowed to go free…and while I can't assure them that he won't…"_

There was a pause. Nanami tilted her head to the side, listening to the pacing footsteps of her mentor through the long ago recorded log, a frown set firm on her face.

Eizan sighed deeply before his footsteps stopped and he continued on.

"_In the few sessions we've had together I've come to understand that he has no recollection of what he's done. In fact…he has no idea of the death at all. It is my opinion, as his psychiatrist, that…he's innocent. He was traumatized by the actions he took and so has deluded himself into believing that they never took place at all. This is what the council does not understand, though I've tried to make it clear to them…_

"_Furthermore, the Godaime Hokage, while agreeing with both sides of the argument, has refused to give her own opinion on the matter…"_

"Nanami…"

Startled, the psychiatrist jumped up, hitting the table in front of her with her knees. The tape recorder fell to the floor, still playing.

"_I'm convinced that her silence—"_

"Tsunade-sama, I-I'm sorry…!"

"—_is the primary reason why this decision has been made… I can only—"_

Nanami shut off the machine as soon as she had it in her grasp.

"…Tsunade-sama…" the Godaime Hokage looked at Nanami with her hands on her hips, a blank expression across her face. "What was that?" she asked, nodding toward the tape recorder in Nanami's hands.

The young woman looked down at it questioningly for a moment before explaining, "One of Eizan's audio logs… I've been listening to them for the last hour, trying to…" Nanami paused for a moment, shaking her head, "…I want to help him…"

Tsunade sighed, a frown creasing her features, "Why don't you go take a walk? Clear your head before the meeting…" Tsunade suggested, glancing at the ground for just a moment. When she looked up her expression was again unreadable.

"But Tsunade-sama…"

"Nanami," Tsunade took a few steps, coming to stop inches away from Nanami. "It's been three years." The two women looked at one another for a moment after the fact was whispered aloud, only afterwards did Tsunade move, taking hold of the tape recorder Nanami still held in her tight grasp.

"Today, Nanami…" Tsunade stopped, sadness glazing over her eyes as she shook her head, pulling the machine from Nanami's grip. "Go; take a walk, Neji'll be here soon."

Nanami stood still for a moment, her eyes dropping down to stare at her predecessor's tape recorder that Tsunade now held close to her chest. Nodding, the psychiatrist left the room without a sound.

Now left alone in Nanami's office, Tsunade sat on the edge of the couch the other woman had been occupying before. She let her fingers run across the tape recorder and its buttons absently as she looked around the room, pressing one at random and listening to the sound of the tape rewinding before she began to play it instead.

Eizan voice filled the room again as Tsunade placed the tape recorder next to her and made to leave the room.

"_Furthermore, the Godaime Hokage, while agreeing with both sides of the argument, has refused to give her own opinion on the matter… I'm convinced that her silence is the primary reason why this decision has been made…"_

Tsunade paused after she opened the door, looking back at the room as she listened to Eizan's log.

"_I can only hope that a chance will arise, so that I can stop what they've set in motion, as I do have faith that he will get better… I would just like for them to allow him the chance to do so…_

"_For as I told them: what they are suggesting is just as bad as what he's done, except they'll be killing an innocent boy…"_

Tsunade lowered her head and left. Eizan's voice still filled the room after the door clicked shut behind her.

"_He murdered a criminal, and should not be condemned to death because of it."_

**XxXxXxXxX**

"…N-Nanami…"

Neji stared at her for a moment after his steps stuttered to a stop when he opened his door to find the woman before him, hand poised to knock. She frowned in response to the sound of his voice; it was so soft, so hoarse—laced with the strain of emotions he adamantly refused to show. Her frown deepened as she took in the sight of his tearstained cheeks, but nodded in greeting regardless.

"…What are you doing here?"

She straightened herself at the question, watching as Neji moved and shut his door before she offered him a small smile—a smile that only thinly veiled the worry which shimmered all too clearly in her eyes, "I thought I'd walk with you to the meeting…"

Neji shook his head, "I'd rather not have company today, Nanami, though I thank you for the offer."

He ducked his head and made to move past her once he finished speaking, but Nanami put her hand on his chest, effectively keeping him in place. His eyes darted up to hers, pleading through his broken gaze for her to just let him be alone.

"Don't do this, Neji…" she whispered, "Today is… Today…you don't need to be alone." She was trying to let him know that it would be okay—that she would be here for him, but something inside him broke in response to her words. That much became clear when Neji sneered at her and shoved her hand away angrily before he walked past without another word, knowing that this was his only chance to get away from her as he'd effectively stunned her with his abrupt show of anger.

She didn't let him get far from her though before she went running after him, now determined to have him explain his sudden behavior. "Neji!" she reached out to grab his arm once she'd caught up to him, but Neji spun around before she could get her hands on him.

"Don't you get it, Nanami!" he spat, glaring at her, "I've only _ever_ been alone, what happens today is not going to change that."

"But Neji… I can't…" she reached out to him, "I can't just leave you alone—"

"Why not!" he screamed, slapping her hand away. Grey eyes widened as Nanami stumbled a few steps away from him, bringing her hand up to her chest. "Everyone else has so why haven't you?" he questioned her, shaking his head.

"Why haven't you just followed their example?—why can't you just _leave me alone_?"

They stood staring at each other in the aftermath of Neji's temper, Nanami feeling the sting in her hand fade away as she gathered the courage to speak to him again. "Because…" she took a deep breath and stepped toward him cautiously, taking it as a good sign when he didn't move.

"Because, Neji… I… I'm your friend."

"My…friend?" Nanami nodded, smiling softly. "You," he pointed at her, "my _friend_?" he laughed, "You must be insane." Nanami frowned, her brow knitting together in concern as Neji continued to laugh at her.

"Do you think that playing psychiatrist to my mentally unstable boyfriend gives you the right to call yourself my _friend_?"

Her mouth fell open in shock; she'd never heard Neji talk like this before, but then again she'd never seen him cry either. "…Neji…"

"I have no friends, Nanami, didn't you know? I lost them all when I gave up everything for _him_!" he pointed at his house as he shouted, "For a man…_that_ man…who doesn't even remember—doesn't even _try_ to remember that it's our anniversary!"

Nanami couldn't help but move forward and hug him tightly as she watched him break down and sob, tears pouring down his cheeks relentlessly. And she couldn't help but feel surprised when he didn't push her away, but held onto her tightly instead and sobbed into her shoulder.

"Why doesn't he remember…? It's been three years… Three damn _years_…and still the name he whispers at night is _his_…not mine—_never_ mine. Why…? Why, Nanami, why not mine?"

Nanami stood unable to answer—unable to help him understand. All she was able to do was attempt to comfort him as she rubbed his back, being the friend he had so desperately denied needing.

"I've tried. I've tried so hard, Nanami, but whatever I do he never gets better—he still locks himself away… I'm…I'll never be able to help him, will I?" Nanami frowned and blinked back her own tears as Neji opened up to her, expressing the fears he'd only ever had nightmares about.

"…It'll be—"

"No," he interrupted quietly, pulling himself away from her slowly.

"No, it won't be… It will not be okay, Nanami. It was never okay to begin with." Neji took a deep breath and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. "But today…" he trailed off and shook his head before he began walking away, composing himself with each step he took further away from his home—further away from the man who had broken him beyond recognition.

Nanami hurried to catch up with him, taking his hand in hers once she had, squeezing gently. "Regardless, Neji… I'm here for you; I am your friend."

Neji scoffed quietly and pulled his hand from her grasp, glancing at her and giving a small nod instead of speaking—instead of admitting aloud that he was grateful for her presence at his side.

They continued on in silence until they were mere yards away from the large structure that neither had any desire to enter. Nanami looked at Neji after eyeing the building for a moment, frowning at the pained look in his eyes. The inevitable had crept up on them and there was no turning back now.

"Neji… I'd like to—"

"Nanami," he interrupted, staring ahead of him but not seeing anything any longer, "I want to apologize for earlier. I was angry and I took that anger out on you. That wasn't fair of me because you…" he paused and looked over at her, nodding. "You are my friend; you've been the only one I've had for a rather long time, and I want to thank you for being here, despite everything."

Nanami smiled at him and nodded, grabbing his hand for just a moment to give it a squeeze before she looked back at the building, watching Tsunade walk out of it and towards them. "I'll always be here, Neji."

His lips quirked up in a half smile as he clutched her hand before it disappeared, "Good, because when this is over… I'm going to need a good friend."

Tsunade stopped in front of them, quirking an eyebrow as she took in the state of the two and opened her mouth to invite them in for the meeting. Neji spoke before she had the chance, though, ending the need for their meeting with his words.

"I'll do it," he said. Nanami let out a breath, squeezing Neji's hand tightly in response to his own firm grasp.

"I'll do it tonight."

**TBC…**

* * *

A/N: I think whenever I've been ending a chapter lately it's been on a note similar to this, in that it makes you only wonder about what's going to happen next. I think this is a terribly good chapter and hope that you all feel the same. I'm proud of it and will probably begin writing on the next soon. And for all that read my stories, updates will be coming on other things soon.

I hope you all enjoy and review so I can know what you think. Thank you.

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


	13. Chapter 13

Well...hello. I know it has been an incredibly long time since I've updated this, or any of my stories really, but I guess the only thing I can say is that I just didn't have any sort of motivation. It's kinda coming back though, and so here you go.

We are at the next to last chapter. **There is still one more chapter after this **though, so regardless of what it may look like, there is gonna be a somewhat...kinda happy-ish ending to this! It will be short though, most likely, but I'll have it up in the next few weeks or so.

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Naruto, but only the characters of Nakae Eizan and Matsumoto Nanami.

* * *

**Learning to Love Again**

**Chapter thirteen**

* * *

He was running. Running so fast, so hard—so far away from the place he called home. He was running so desperately to make his way back to the man he'd lost so long ago. It was only as he ran through the lamp lit village though that he realized he could no longer remember just why he'd left him in the first place. All he knew was that it had turned out to be the biggest mistake he'd ever made, and now…

Now he was going to make it right.

That much he was certain of as he continued on through the village gate and into the forest, venturing farther than he ever had before. But suddenly then, he froze, turning slowly to look back through the gate that led into the empty streets of the village he had claimed such an attachment to.

There was nothing there. Nothing impeding him on this quest he'd set to make… He didn't know why there would be, why he instinctively _felt_ that something—some_one_, rather, would be coming behind him; coming to stop him. But he felt in some strange way like he'd done this before as a sudden, sickening wave of déjà vu swept over him, causing him to close his eyes and stumble slightly, an echo sounding eerily in his mind. The voice one he had long forgotten in this frantic chase to right his wrong.

"…_don't want to just be someone who you keep running away from, Naruto…"_

A streak of terror shot through him as if he'd woken from a bad dream and he forced his eyes open, trembling slightly as he looked around, expecting to find the owner of that voice standing before him – stopping him, yet again. But still he was alone, the streets before him clear, simply because there were no longer any streets there.

The scenery had changed somehow; the forest had now swallowed him up and pulled him far away from the village. It was all rather bewildering, and with no idea how he got there, all he could do was stare around confused. Had he stumbled about within that fractured moment of time while his eyes had been closed trying to block out that voice and wandered this deeply into the forest?

No, he didn't believe that that was the answer, but as he took his surrounding in more closely the thoughts of why and how slipped away from him, because although how he had gotten here was bewildering, he knew, without a doubt, exactly where he was now. It held a memory too dear for him to forget.

"So you do remember, un?"

Naruto's head whipped in the direction of the voice and a smile cracked his chapped lips when he saw Deidara leaning against a nearby tree, staring in his direction yet not at him Naruto noticed quickly. He didn't question the other though as he walked up to him slowly, finally feeling free enough to hold him, here in the privacy of this, their most important place, where everything had ended. Yet he didn't dare reach out to the man, knowing there was still _something_ holding him back.

"Dei… You know I could never forget that…"

"Heh, I seriously beg to differ, un," Deidara shot back without missing a beat, pushing himself off the tree and striding past Naruto to stand at the point Naruto had found himself at when he had opened his eyes, staring contemplatively at the ground.

Naruto sighed, but didn't try getting any closer to his lover; he knew it wouldn't do him any good to try. "I'm—"

"No."

Blonde eyebrows stitched together at the sudden, harsh statement, but he quieted so that Deidara could continue, "For the first time in my life, I had trusted someone, un…"

Naruto frowned, "I know, and I'm sorry for leaving you here like I did, Dei, but you have to understand…"

"Understand what, un?" Deidara bit out, voice dangerously low as he finally turned around to look Naruto in the eyes. "Understand that I had it coming, un? Is that what you were going to tell me that day before you shoved that blade between my ribs, Naruto, un?"

Naruto's mouth fell open in an attempt to fish for words, because he honestly didn't know just what Deidara was talking about. He had never done such a thing! He would _never_ have harmed the man, and Deidara knew him well enough to know that! He couldn't understand where these fantastical lies were coming from, nor could he figure out why… At least he couldn't for a moment.

He stepped forward, licking his lips quickly, "Dei, I left you because…because I had to get on with my—"

He didn't get any further than that, though, because Deidara was grabbing him by his collar, lifting him up a few inches so that they were nose to nose, Deidara's breath heaving against his lips angrily.

"Don't. You. _Dare_."

"Deidara, I can't help that you can't let this go, but I'm here; I've come back!" He wanted to know just why that wasn't good enough for him at this point, but before he got the chance to ask Deidara had shoved him away and started to rip open his robe so that he could lift up his fishnet shirt.

What Naruto saw then shocked him into reaching out though he never did make contact with the stained and broken skin before him as he doubled over, clutching his head, a dam breaking in his mind and flooding him with memories that sent him to his knees. Memories he had hidden away for a reason.

They flashed before his eyes, fragmented moments of time: Deidara holding him tight and telling him he'd see him soon, as soon as he could get away from the village without being followed. The man kissing him for what he had only thought was the last time for the next week or so. And then the man doubled over, clutching at the wound in his side as he bled out, asking – no, _screaming_, desperately – why, why, _why was Naruto doing this to him_?

It was all over just as quickly as it had begun, leaving Naruto on his hands and knees on the ground, a cold sweat covering him as if he had awoken from a nightmare. He stared at the grass beneath his hands for just a moment before his eyes blurred from the sting of tears. Only then did he look up, watching Deidara through watery eyes as the man lowered his shirt again, covering up the wound which bled just as freely as it had in his memory, almost making him believe the injury were still fresh.

"I…I-I…" he floundered around for the words to apologize, to explain what he had done, to just say _anything_, but nothing more than a few stuttered syllables left him.

Deidara shook his head, watching the man cry helplessly on the forest floor below them before he took a step forward, "You," he whispered, confirming the desperate squeaks that the other blonde made as he took another step.

"You, Naruto… _You_ did this to me, un, and I can…" but the words he could see forming on Deidara's lips no longer sounded, just as the man seemed almost to be disappearing altogether, becoming replaced by the hazy image of someone he couldn't believe he had forgotten…

"…N-Neji?"

"It's okay, Naruto… It will all be okay…"

He reached out, feeling the world spin for a moment before he crashed down to the ground, feeling that dam open up once again to show him everything that had been done—everything that had been sacrificed for the sake of him; for the sake of keeping these memories away. He wanted to scream, and he knew somewhere, vaguely, that he was, but he was also speaking, his speech slurring with every passing moment.

"Bud'I… I… Neji… What'id I do…?"

He knew the words were less than coherent, but his tongue was beginning to feel like lead in his mouth, slowing him down as his eyes began to droop.

"It'll all be over soon, Naruto."

It felt like it took a lifetime for the words to reach him, and when they did they felt more and more like the echo of a ghost he couldn't remember. It was then that he realized he had closed his eyes, so he forced them open, finding Deidara kneeled down and leaning over him, gaze hard and unconcerned.

Naruto felt like he knew why that was, but for the life of him he couldn't remember anymore, and something told him that it wasn't the first time this had happened, that he had forgotten just why Deidara looked so angry.

"…Dei…" he said quietly, reaching up and feeling a spark of happiness light inside of him when Deidara didn't turn away the hand he laid upon his cheek. He huffed a little laugh and let his eyes slip closed, feeling so tired and wanting nothing more than to sleep, for he felt like he hadn't done so in years.

"Love you…"

His hand slid back down to hit the ground next to him, but that was the last thing he felt.

"I love you too, Naruto."

Naruto didn't have any time left to reflect back on the fact that that voice had sounded nothing like Deidara's as he fell into blackness.

**XxXxXxXxX**

The syringe slipped from between Neji's fingers as he backed against the wall and slid down to the floor, horrified with what he had just done, yet feeling a sense of peace that he hadn't known for years.

It was over now. They would be here soon to take him away. All he had to do was make the call.

Neji let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes, trying to reassure himself that this had been the right thing to do. For some reason it was becoming harder to believe that with each moment that passed in this house which was now too big and far too silent for his liking.

They would both be happier now though. At least, that was what he hoped.

He opened his eyes back up and looked back at the limp figure that lie on their bed, a bed which now began to seem more like a coffin to him with every tick of the clock. A tremor overtook him, becoming more violent as he continued to sit there and take it all in, the enormity of what he had just done.

It was over. All he had to do was make the call.

Neji just sat. Feeling his heart grow cold and raw as the ache of loneliness began to eat away at him.

They said he'd be happy, that they both would be happy.

He couldn't believe that anymore.

**TBC...**

* * *

A/N: Alright, well there you go. Chapter 13 after like a year. Geez guys, I'm really sorry about all that wait. I hope some of you are still around and with me! I thank you all so very much for being here all this time!

Again though, **this is not the last chapter! There is still one more!**

SandXDemonX13

TTYFTDS


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